Accidentally Funny
by Kanna37
Summary: Sesshoumaru has joined up with the tachi - but Kagome really isn't prepared for the daiyoukai's twisted sense of humor. Who knew he even had one? Written randomly - no set updating schedule. 1st Best Romance Other FA 1st Quarter 2011.
1. Anatomy Lesson

**Anatomy Lesson:**

Kagome was frozen stiff, staring in shock ahead of herself, as were her companions.

Surely, if this was an attempt at humor by the kami, then it had to be one with a very... hentai sense of one. Because _this_... was just _wrong._

And the worst part of it was, Sesshoumaru didn't seem to have any idea of just what was objectionable with this particular form of his – either that, or he didn't care.

Which, she had to concede, as Sango choked with shock and then spun around to face another direction, was highly probably – he was not one to care about the opinions of others.

She herself couldn't seem to stop staring, unlike her friend – red-faced as she was, the sight before her was like a train wreck – she couldn't look away no matter how much she wished she could, and as the huge white dog looked down at her, she could almost feel his smirk.

With a flash of light, and a whirlwind of dust, the daiyoukai switched back to his human form from his true form, and cocked a brow at the still stunned woman before him.

"What is the matter? Have you never seen one before, miko?"

She blinked, then blushed an even more fiery red as her temper got the better of her. Stomping forward, she huffed and slammed an irate finger into his chest, inhaling deeply, then letting it all out in a rather garbled shriek.

"No, I haven't seen one before – and I hadn't counted on my first one coming in the form of a fifty-foot tall _dog!"_

Sesshoumaru smirked wickedly, then flicked a lock of silver over his shoulder as he turned and began to move away, ignoring every other member of the extended pack save her as he said, "A penis is a penis, miko, whether it is covered in fur, or in clothing. However, if you wish for a close up, all you must do is ask. I would be amenable to allowing it... in whichever form you prefer."

He continued walking away, leaving a frozen Kagome staring at him in red-faced shock, finger still raised in the air.

The entire tachi, including Inuyasha, was so stunned, that nothing was even said about the incident – apparently, in this case, everyone thought that the better part of valor was indeed discretion – especially when it came to _dogs_ – and Kagome.


	2. Murphy's Law

**Murphy's Law**

Kagome sighed with relief as she crawled out of the well on her side of time.

It had been a hard three weeks since Sesshoumaru and his group had joined up with theirs – and she desperately needed the break.

She would never have thought in a million years that the stoic-seeming inu-youkai was actually a pervert in disguise – but he was, and now, Miroku was being encouraged to new heights by the antics of the demon Lord – his new hero.

She'd always laughed at Miroku's efforts and Sango's frustration over them – but not anymore, because the newest hentai to join the group was _very _fixated on her. The more he could make her blush and stutter, the better he seemed to like it.

All in all, she was just glad to be home where there weren't any dogs – only one rather fat neko, and as she slid open the well shrine doors, she actually began to smile...

Until she found herself being cornered by a large... white... _dog!_

A... large, white... _male dog!_

And suddenly, all she could see was a mind-numbing still-frame in full color of one larger-than-life white dog _demon _hovering over her with... that... ahem, larger-than-life _appendage... _

With a whimper, she dropped her bag and dropped her now very red face into her hands, as her mother came running from the house, yelling for the dog to back away.

"Oh, dear... I wasn't expecting you back today, Kagome. Are you alright? Fluffy didn't hurt you, did he?"

She was a bit taken aback at the somewhat hysterical laughter that came from her daughter as Kagome lifted her face and shook her head. "Why do we have a... _dog_, mother?" she finally managed to stutter out.

"Well, dear, we've had some hoodlum's sniffing around the shrine grounds lately, so we decided to get a good guard dog to keep them away. Is there something wrong with having a dog, Kagome?"

"Not really, mother... but did it have to be large, white, fluffy... and _male?_"

_Murphy's law... anything that can go wrong will go wrong... why me?_ she sighed to herself.

The poor, flustered girl picked up her bag and walked towards the house, almost chanting, "Too many dogs, too many _dogs_..."

Leaving her mother mystified behind her.

And a large, white, fluffy, _male_ dog... with a self-satisfied doggy smirk.

_Thought you could get away from me, did you, miko?_


	3. Double Vision

**Double Vision**

Kagome stepped back behind the tree and chuckled wryly at her younger self's almost panicked expression as she met the current era version of Sesshoumaru. She had to admit, it _was_ funny, though at the time it had started, she hadn't thought so, and when she'd finally realized that the dog – Fluffy – was her erstwhile mate, she'd cut him off for weeks as payback.

He hadn't been all that amused – but she had. Served him right for all the torment he'd put her through back then.

But now, staring at her younger self, and the expression on her face as she moved off towards the house chanting, "Too man dogs, too many _dogs,_" she definitely had to admit it was funny.

Even funnier was the whole 'Fluffy' thing – that was one part of the whole scheme Sesshoumaru hated.

And she made sure to rub it in...

As her younger self finally made it into the house followed by her mother, Kagome watched her mate trot over to her position, grinning a doggy grin with his tongue lolling out of his mouth, and laughed. "Well, _Fluffy_?"

The grin disappeared, and he growled. "_That is not amusing, woman. This one is not 'fluffy'."_

He said it in tones of the utmost, scathing disgust.

She patted his head condescendingly, knowing it was going to piss him off. "Oh yes you are, _Fluffy... _and so cute with it, too," she cooed.

In dog form, he was forced to use mindspeech, but _she_ wasn't, and they both heard a course laugh at her words. Looking up, she caught sight of Inuyasha's red t-shirt. Sesshoumaru growled louder – and Kagome just shook her head.

"Inuyasha, who invited you to this party?" she asked with a sigh.

"Invited?!" he scoffed. "Who the hell cares about being invited – I wanted to see your reaction... and _'Fluffy's _to his name," he chortled. "This is fuckin' hilarious – just as much fun as it was on the other side with all the crap he pulled on you back then."

At that point, Kagome knew that if Sesshoumaru could climb trees in his doggy form, he'd be in the tree after his brother. While this version of herself would find that extremely amusing, it was, perhaps, not best for the shrine – or the people in it.

Reluctantly, she grabbed ahold of Sesshoumaru's collar, and looking up, said, "You know, Inuyasha, it's probably best if you leave now. I'll hold him, and maybe you won't have to pay for those remarks for a few weeks – though eventually, he'll catch up to you."

"Feh," he muttered in tones of disgust. "Fine, fine, I'm goin', don't get your balls in a knot, _Fluffy_. Although... Fifi woulda been better!" Sesshoumaru growled louder, and Kagome rolled her eyes.

"You know... I have to agree with my past self – there _are _too many dogs around here. Perhaps I should take you two to the pound, and get a cat instead."

She grinned cheekily as she let Sesshoumaru's collar go and walked away jauntily...

_Two_ growls met her ears.

_Hah! Score one for the girl, _she thought. _You deserve it for everything you put me through, Sesshoumaru. And even more because I have to help you torture myself to keep the timelines contiguous... that was a really dirty trick. _

She laughed aloud, calling, "Here, kitty, kitty."

And laughed even harder as her mate actually _barked_ in protest.

_Maybe I actually s_hould _get a cat,_ she mused.

_It would serve him right._


	4. Marking One's Turf

**Marking One's Turf**

Kagome almost leapt out of the well on the Sengoku Jidai side of things; the days spent at home had not been as restful as she'd hoped.

It seemed the new dog had a crush on her – at least, he followed her everywhere, rubbed all over her, and didn't like anyone else touching her...

Not even her mother.

The whole thing was completely insane.

The final straw was when the dog, Fluffy, had tried to _mark his turf,_ to put it bluntly.

She was not a fire hydrant, after all – and she wasn't about to be claimed as property by a _dog._

On _either_ side of time.

Unfortunately, the moment she crawled out of the well, a certain heavy aura settled over her, and she knew that their new erstwhile companion, Lord Sesshoumaru, had arrived.

"Why me?" she moaned pathetically. "I really, _really_, want a cat – why can't I be surrounded by cats instead of _dogs_?"

"Cats, miko?" Sesshoumaru sniffed at her, surprise almost freezing him for a moment – until he realized the connotations of his scent being all over her after she'd been gone for several days – and then he grinned inwardly.

_So... I can reach her in both eras! I will _so _enjoy this_ - _in both times, I am sure, _he purred to himself. _It is regrettable, however, that I must wait five hundred years to enjoy the other end of it..._

"Yes, _cats!" _She tugged off her backpack at first sight of him and practically threw it on the ground in disgust. "What is it with you dogs, anyway?"

"Perhaps if you explained in more detail what you are asking about...?" he trailed off suggestively.

"Well, for one thing, why the hell do dogs have to run around and lift their leg to pee on everything in sight?" she shrieked.

Slightly taken aback, though he would never show it, he stared at her. After a moment, he asked, "A _dog_ attempted to scent mark you, miko?"

She stared at him - stunned, and then she started yelling. "You mean that damn dog was trying to make me smell like _piss?! _What the hell for?!?"

_Even if it has been five hundred years, I know that I would not have actually tried to scent mark her _that _way... so I must have been toying with her. _

And then a dismaying thought crossed his mind.

_Wait... five hundred years from now, and I am still chasing her? Surely, I am not that slow in reaching my desired goal..._

That thought bothered him enough that he decided he was going to have to up his pursuit. He had planned to ease her into it, little by little – but he was not willing to take five hundred years.

That was a little _too_ much, her delicate human sensibilities notwithstanding.

Realizing that she was still waiting for an answer, he said, "Apparently, the dog you speak of wished to claim you as his." Brow raising at her horrified flush, he stepped closer to the irate woman-child. "I can take care of that problem for you, miko."

Her eyes narrowed with suspicion immediately. "And just how do you intend to do that...?" she asked slowly.

"By scent marking you myself. I am, after all, the Lord of Inu... the Alpha of Alphas, so to speak."

He barely managed to cover his ears before he completely lost all hearing, when she inhaled and _screamed, _enraged.

"WHAT??!! YOU WANT ME TO LET A FIFTY-FOOT TALL DOG PEE ON ME?!?!" echoed throughout Inuyasha's forest.

_Perhaps I could have explained that better, _he winced.


	5. A Bone Named Kagome

**A Bone Named Kagome**

Kagome was flustered, fried, freaked out, and fed up.

Ever since she'd gotten back from her time a week ago, her life had gone to the dogs.

Yes, _dogs, _plural.

Because apparently, Sesshoumaru's little game of 'claim the miko' had set_ Inuyasha's_ inu instincts into an uproar, and now, it was a contest.

So now she had two dogs here, and one dog, _there_, all trying to claim her – and that wasn't even mentioning the wolf that _had_ _been _trying since she'd met him.

What she couldn't understand, is _why. _

_What is it with all these damn canines? I think I need to have a talk with Kirara – we need some cats... and maybe, if cats showed up, the guys would be too busy being angry about cats to bother me._

_Sounds wonderful, _she decided with a sigh.

Her attention was pulled back to reality, however, all too soon, as once again, the two inu started their dominance arguments again – which consisted of getting in each others faces, growling, posturing, and fighting.

Of course, the rest of the tachi found this _highly_ entertaining, and so the shard and spider hunting came to a dead standstill so that the dogs could fight it out. The disturbing thing about all this was, the saimyousho had started showing up at these little fights, and she suspected that Naraku was getting as much entertainment out of this as everyone else, _but_ she herself, was.

If he himself ever decided to show up, she'd call it quits, go home, and seal the well – that way, at least she'd only be dealing with one inu.

Or so she thought.

At any rate, she watched as the two silver-haired males went through their normal routine, and as the tachi started taking bets amongst themselves – even Rin and Jaken had started taking part, and she turned away, tired of the scene.

It was time to find something else to do, since they'd probably be here for a while.

She looked around, taking in their surroundings, and recognized this place; Jaken had created a hot spring here once when he was trying to steal the Tessaiga from Inuyasha.

_Bath-time! _she thought with a happy internal squeal.

Since the others were all busy watching the spectacle that Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru were making of themselves, she was easily able to slip away, and was soon happily ensconced in the heated spring, letting it work away all her tension.

After soaking herself to nearly prune status, she got out, and wrapped herself in her towels – and the next thing she knew, the forest was blurring around her, and the breeze was rapidly drying certain parts – parts that shouldn't have been _exposed_ to any breeze.

She blinked in shock, and then found herself dropped to the ground, as a red and silver blur began digging a hole in front of her. Before she could even get her mind to catch up, Sesshoumaru stood before Inuyasha, and the fighting began again.

At that point, the poor woman had had enough for the day, and stood up, her aura running chills up the two inu's backs as they paused to stare at the female that was now limned in flames of rage.

With a dangerous growl, she snarled, "Just what the hell did you think you were doing, Inuyasha? Taking from my bath, wearing only a towel, then dropping me, only to start digging a _hole_?!"

The younger inu suddenly looked sheepish, and Sesshoumaru shot him a disdainful look. "The fool has no control over his baser nature, miko – what do most dogs do to something that they claim as theirs, that they do not want anyone to find and take away?"

Silence fell over the clearing as Kagome took that in, she looked down at the hole, then back up at the two dogs – and the clearing exploded.

"YOU WERE TRYING TO BURY ME LIKE A DAMN _DOG BONE??!!" _


	6. Canine Au Natural

**Canine Au Natural**

The entire tachi watched as Kagome came storming out of the trees, followed by a strangely silent Sesshoumaru – and distantly – by a very subdued Inuyasha, who was oddly covered in dirt.

The _very_ strange part of the whole thing, was that Kagome was wearing nothing but a towel – and a snarl on her face.

"It seems as though this confrontation went differently than expected," Miroku said, in a disappointed tone, "rendering the betting pool dead. Since no one bet on Kagome winning, there are no winners or losers."

The group sighed, disgruntled, and Kagome glared at all of them, obviously irate – everyone looked away, not willing to challenge the alpha female. She sniffed, disdainful – almost wishing someone _would_ challenge her - at this point she was willing to fight with the whole group to get rid of the irritation that had been building in her since Sesshoumaru had joined them.

"Cowards," she muttered disdainfully, as she turned and stomped back into the trees, heading for the springs – and her clothing.

The moment she disappeared, Shippo smirked at Inuyasha, and asked, "So, bakayasha... you tried to _bury_ Kagome kaa-san?" While the others had not known what was going on, other than loud yells, Shippo, Kirara, and Jaken had heard – and enjoyed every moment of the screaming that had gone on.

At his words, all the humans in the group choked; with wide-eyes, they turned to stare at the subdued hanyou.

"Ah, shut up, ya little runt," he said half-heartedly, and Sesshoumaru shot him a highly amused glance.

"Indeed, kit, he did – but it ended with the miko burying_ him. _It was highly gratifying, I must admit – watching the half-breed rooting around in the dirt."

Just then, Kagome stomped back into the clearing, and Sesshoumaru, nodded, and said, "Despite the fact that it was the fool hanyou that was thrust so satisfactorily into the dirt, this one feels the need to bathe – we will make camp here, and continue on tomorrow." With that statement, he turned and disappeared under the trees, and the group began settling in for the evening.

Not long after he'd left, Kagome felt a flicker inside herself, and almost started crying – two shards were on their way in at a very fast pace – meaning that Koga was about to add to the hell that her life had become lately.

Sure enough, within moments of her warning, the wolf prince blew into camp, grabbing her hands and rubbing as much of himself over her as he could. Before Kagome could even react, a further disturbance made itself known in the camp – and she turned several shades of red when she heard Sango's shriek, and caught sight of what had caused it.

There stood a very wet, very _naked_, Sesshoumaru, growling and eyes flashing red as Koga turned slowly to stare at whatever was making those challenging sounds. The daiyoukai stalked forward, completely uncaring about his nudity, as the rest of the group, sans Sango, stared, fascinated.

Reaching a frozen Kagome, and the wolf that was still clutching her hands, he grabbed Koga by his pelt, and tossed him off into the trees – leaving nothing between he and the stunned young woman before him.

Brow cocked, he stared haughtily at her. "Yes? Was there something?" he drawled, as though there was nothing wrong about walking around nude.

Eyes wide and stunned, Kagome managed nothing but a loud gulp, and Sesshoumaru nodded, a satisfied air abruptly surrounding him.

"This one is aware that his physique is stunning, miko, so stare all you wish. I will not turn away until you have looked your fill."

Kagome reached up and placed her hands over her eyes, then closed them as she plopped down on her ass in shock with a whimper.

She really wished she could think of something witty to say, but the image burned into her mind just wouldn't let her – the stupid dog was right.

His physique _was_ stunning... and she was almost ready to have a nervous breakdown.

With a barely audible chuckle, Sesshoumaru headed back to his clothing, preparing to gird himself for battle.

Now it wasn't just the hanyou, but the wolf that he had to deal with. But at least, he'd managed to get the miko to see just what she would be gaining when he finally mated her...

And from her reaction, he knew that no matter who challenged him for her, _he _would be the winner.

Because _nobody_ could carry off _naked _like he could.


	7. Perfection

**Perfection**

Kagome stood, once again on the sidelines, watching as the rest of the group took bets on the outcome of the three-way pitched battle taking place in the middle of the field.

She was still trying to recover from the recent Sesshoumaru version of show and tell – she didn't think she'd ever get that visual out of her mind.

Not that it was a bad sight, oh, no, far from it. It was probably the most beautiful, and _arousing _sight she'd ever seen.

That was the problem.

She wasn't supposed to be so hentai – that was Miroku's job, and he was quite good at it. Unfortunately, it seemed as though it was contagious, and she'd definitely caught it... but she'd never expected any lecherous thoughts she ever gained to be about Inuyasha's _brother! _

Hell, until recently, she'd considered him frigid, if she'd considered him at all.

But it had become apparent recently that he was _far_ from frozen – though he was surrounded by ice, once he found something to attract his attention, the ice disappeared like it had never existed, and suddenly, the temperature more closely resembled the inside of a smoldering volcano, than an ice sheet.

_But that's what I don't get, _she scowled to herself. _Since when did he decide he wanted me? And why? He hates humans, and last time I checked, I was one... so... this whole thing makes no sense. He must be playing some other game..._

With that, she stomped right into the middle of the fight, the three males instantly stopping as she moved into the way.

"Inuyasha! If you don't go s-i-t down, _right now_, I'm gonna 'it' you so hard Kikyou won't have to _take _you to hell – you'll already be there waiting for her!" She pointed an irate finger to the sidelines where the rest of the group was, and puppy ears laying flat against his head, the hanyou began to slink obediently away as she watched.

He was far too familiar with her temper to risk it.

Kagome spun back around at the annoying sound of wolf cub speaking without permission.

"Hah! That's it, Kagome, send the dogturd away – now we just have to deal with the other dog crap and then you can join me as my wom-" he broke off as that gaze that carried all the fires of hell turned his way and pinned him.

"_I AM NOT YOUR WOMAN_!" she shouted, and then grabbed him by his ponytail and said, "Come on, Koga, repeat after me: Kagome belongs to herself, and is NOT my woman." He tried to avoid saying those words; with another hard yank of his hair, he whined and gave in, repeating what she'd ordered him to.

With a satisfied nod, Kagome let go of his topknot, and then turned on the daiyoukai.

"And _YOU_!" She stabbed a finger into his chest. "What kind of game are you playing with all the fighting and the comments – and the - the... the _naked!_" She flushed red with temper as he smirked at her. "It's not funny! I don't know what you think you're going to gain by messing with my mind, but..." she trailed off, irate as he just continued to look at her, amusement flickering in his eyes.

"I play no game, miko – I have established myself as alpha male of this pack-"

Kagome broke in. "So what's that got to do with... with the, the – dammit, all the _naked!_ And the _comments_!" she growled.

He stepped closer to her, ignoring the finger planted in his chest. "I am the alpha male – and _you _are the alpha _female_. That makes you mine, if I so wish – and I _do_. Until you recognize and accept that, I will continue to..." he leaned closer, his eyes flaring as he dropped his voice, "... _stalk _you, little miko."

Kagome gulped as he stared into her eyes with the molten gold of his own, her mind having fried itself out at his declaration of her status in his eyes. Speechless, she continued to stare at him, until a whine and a growl came from behind her.

"You're supposed to be _mine_, Kagome," Koga insisted. With a glare towards the daiyoukai, as the male took ahold of Kagome and began walking her back towards the rest of their group, he asked, "What's he got that I don't?

"Perfection," Sesshoumaru said smugly.

Koga gaped at the demon Lord as Kagome looked down at her feet and mumbled incoherently, unable to disagree – he _was _perfect. "There is a reason that my name is what it is, wolf – and I live up to every bit of it," he finished smoothly.

There was a gulp from the brash young wolf prince as he took in those words – Sesshoumaru._.. the killing perfection. _

Kagome blushed as her thoughts went down a very _different_ path – it wasn't his perfection at _killing_ that was running through _her_ head.

A satisfied smirk lifted the corner of the dai's mouth as he took in the scent of aroused female.

"The miko will soon learn another thing that this one is perfection at - v_ery_ soon," he promised, with a heavy-lidded look back over his shoulder at the woman trailing along behind him.

And all Kagome could think behind wide-eyes at that promise was...

_Eeep!_

---sSs---

A/N: I apologize if the funny in this one fell a bit flat, at this point I'm having a hard time telling – I just found out that my father is dying, and the funny kind of de-camped. But I'm trying to keep up with the humor, because it's the only tribute I can give him – I got my funny from him, and we had a lot of good times passing the funny back and forth between each other.

Dad... this one's for you.

Amber


	8. Little Red and the Big Bad Dog?

**Little Red and the Big Bad... _Dog_?**

For the first time in several weeks, things were actually peaceful. Koga had finally wandered off, though she suspected that he would be back at some point – he _was_ a wolf after all, which meant he was dense – Inuyasha was being unusually quiet, and Sesshoumaru had, for once, decided to give her some space.

She wasn't sure how long it would last, but she was going to enjoy it thoroughly while it was happening.

On top of that, they were looping back to the village, which meant she would see Kaede-baachan soon.

Now, the older priestess was just like a grandmother to the younger woman, and Kagome was very fond of her. She also had a neat trick of calming her even at the worst of times, and Kagome needed all the calming she could get, these days.

The rest of the group, sans Sango, on the other hand, had been enjoying the recent contretemps far too much, in her opinion, and she was seriously annoyed with them all.

Especially Miroku – this whole thing had inspired that lecher to new heights – which was _why_ Sango was no longer enjoying the whole situation, because now _she_ was also becoming a victim of the overabundance of canines running around, as well. If there's one dog, more soon appear – and then eventually, every male in sight turns into one... ergo, Miroku was now just as much of a dog as Sesshoumaru or Inuyasha – and in the doghouse right along with those two, as well.

So Sango and Kagome had ganged up against the males, and were keeping well clear of any hentai hands, or _tongues_, in Sesshoumaru's case, by practicing that ancient method of women all through time – _avoidance. _It was working fairly well, too – at least for now.

Kagome wasn't stupid, though, and she knew that the daiyoukai was planning something – she could feel his eyes plastered to her backside the entire time they were traveling. She snorted at that, _at least it's not his tongue plastered to my backside again, _she thought, annoyed.

For some reason, he'd developed a fixation with_ licking_ her... any chance he got. Dog slobber is dog slobber, even if the dog in question is wearing human clothes, and it always left her wanting a bath – and wishing she had a rosary around his neck.

At any rate, she was happy to see the village appear before them, and she sped up as soon as she did, planning to stop in and say hello to Kaede, then head home for a _real _bath – that last wash in a cold stream had somehow not managed to get all the tongue-bathing out of her mind – or off her skin.

After a quick gab with Kaede, she snuck off, headed straight for the well – and safety... sort of. There was the canine on the other side of the well to deal with, but if she could just get into the bathroom, she could lock the dog _out,_ and herself _in._.. and wallah, happy Kagome.

Several semi-difficult days later, she hopped back through the well, wondering what mischief the dogs had gotten into in her absence...

When she made it out of the well, she was surprised to find... no dogs. No Inuyasha, no Sesshoumaru, and not even any Miroku. Eyes narrowed, she scanned the trees at the edge of the well clearing with eyes and reiki, but finding nothing, she shrugged and moved off, hauling her bag with her – her brand new, larger, _redder_ bag.

_Inuyasha will like this... since he loves red so much..._

She got more and more suspicious as she traipsed through the forest towards the village, and still no sign of dogs anywhere in the vicinity. _He's planning something, _she thought with a scowl as she approached Kaede's hut, and still nothing appeared.

She came to a halt just outside the entrance, and looked around, eyes narrowed, then stepped up to the door and cautiously pulled back the hanging doormat, and...

_Bam!_

Suddenly, she found herself laying on the ground, looking up at the sky, stunned... with dog, and dog _slobber_, both laying over her – _heavily_.

With a resigned, grossed-out sigh, she asked the heavens, "_Why_ do dogs have to have such long, _wet_ tongues?"

With a swirl of youki, the daiyoukai switched back into his humanoid form, and with a sly smirk, answered with, "It's all the better to taste you with, my dear."

And then he ran his tongue along her cheek again... slowly.

Kagome whimpered. _ I should stop reading fairytales to the kids... it gives him too many ideas to twist._

---sSs---

A/N: Hope this entertains... and Dad... fly free and know you'll always be remembered with love.

Amber


	9. A Bitch by Any Other Name

**A Bitch by any other Name**

Kagome sighed, reaching up to wipe a hand across her forehead, and her shoulders slumped. It was hotter than hell, and she had proof – Inuyasha had actually _asked_ her to sit him to hell because it'd be cooler. She'd given him a death stare, and he'd moved off, muttering sulkily.

They'd been traveling for several days, now, since she'd come back through the well, and she was still annoyed with Sesshoumaru for his little welcome back performance – she still had several bruises and sore muscles from when he'd pounced on her the way he had.

_Damn dogs, _she thought again, shooting another disgruntled glance at his perfectly groomed self. Even in the sweltering heat, he looked like an iceberg – cool, calm, and _frozen_, as though even the heat waves themselves were so impressed by his ice that they parted around him. It was seriously pissing her off.

On top of that, they hadn't come on any traces of Naraku, nor had they found any sign of jewel shards, and the whole thing was making for a very surly miko.

Perhaps that's why, when an attack did come, and it was directed at Kagome, she lost her nigh-legendary kindness, and instead, let her also legendary _temper_ out to play.

They'd already been walking in the heat for most of the day when a youkai aura was felt heading straight for their position, and the group hastily prepared for possible battle. However, when the youkai walked over the top of the hill they were currently climbing, everyone stopped and stared – it was a female.

A rather attractive one, at that.

Seeing this, everyone made to put their weapons away – so they were all stunned when the female headed right towards Kagome, and when she got within speaking distance, _challenged_ her to a fight.

Totally taken aback, Kagome stared at the woman. "Uh... me? You want to fight... _me_? Why?" she asked, confused.

"You are the female that Sesshoumaru-sama has chosen – if I can defeat you, then I can prove myself more worthy, and possibly take your place," came the stunning answer.

Kagome's eyes narrowed dangerously at that. "Wait, _what_? So, your saying that a bunch of women with nothing better to do than bother me are going to come, wanting to fight me for Sesshoumaru's attention? Hell, if you want, I'll give him to ya! I didn't ask for any of this!"

The female seemed shocked at her words. "You can't just give him up, stupid, you have to lose a fight, and even then, he might not choose to give you up!" With that, the female rushed forward, determined to get in the first blow, only to find herself facing the arrow of a very irate miko – and then Kagome fired, taking the female right through the shoulder area of her kimono, and pinning her to a tree at the roadside.

As the woman struggled to free herself, cursing and muttering, Kagome turned narrowed, angry eyes filled with hellfire on a certain daiyoukai, and stalked over to him on stiff legs, her aura raging around her in temper.

"Tell me, Sesshoumaru – why didn't you warn me about this?" she asked through gritted teeth.

He looked down his nose at her, not backing down in the least. "This one tends to forget that you are not youkai, miko – since you act the bitch very well," he said, ignoring the shocked gasps from the group around him.

At that, Kagome let out such an impressive growl, that the youkai female still trying to get the arrow out of her clothes stopped and stared at her, wide-eyed... and Inuyasha suddenly hit the ground laughing hysterically.

"That's it, you're dead, Sesshoumaru, and I won't even have to do it, you stupid bastard, she'll do it for me!" he chortled as Kagome kept moving in on a suddenly uncertain daiyoukai.

He stopped laughing at the sudden evil gleam in Kagome's eyes as she crooked her finger at him. "Inuyasha, come here," she crooned sweetly. With a gulp, he picked himself up off the ground and moved to stand between his brother and her.

"Y-yes, Kagome?" he stuttered, ears flat to his skull.

"Step back, Inuyasha," she said. "That's it, one more step should do it..." as he came to a halt right in front of his brother. "Now, turn around and look at your brother."

Everyone else watched with fascination as the hanyou turned reluctantly to stare up at Sesshoumaru, one and all thinking that she was going to make him apologize for making fun of his brother.

That's why one and all were shocked speechless when she yelled, "Osuwari!" instead – and they all continued to watch as the hanyou went down – taking his imposing brother with him.

Sesshoumaru was so stunned at what had just happened, that he simply stared up into the sky for several long moments, since he was still pinned by a certain spell, and his half-brother's body – until the icy blue eyes of a certain miko entered his view. With a most evil glare, she grinned down at him, and said, "Next time you want to insult me, Sesshoumaru, remember that _this_ bitch _always_ finds a way to bite back."

And then she turned on her heel and walked to the female to yank the arrow from her clothing, before stomping off down the road, closely followed by a cowed group of people.

He was beginning to see why such a tiny little onna had that effect.

She was _deadly_.

Of course, it only made him want her more – since he was _attracted_ to deadly things.

-sSs-

A/N: Hope everyone enjoys this installment, and sorry I haven't posted on this one in a while - just haven't had much to laugh at lately. But it's slowly getting better.

Amber


	10. As the Sengoku Jidai Turns

**As the Sengoku Jidai Turns**

Kagome sighed, watching once more as arguing broke out between Inuyasha, Sesshoumaru, and Koga. Yes, Koga. He'd shown up again, irritating everyone, including her, determined not to give up on the idea of her being his mate.

As if.

And she'd told him that, too – repeatedly. But he was nothing if not totally dense, and refused to believe she really meant it.

_Is it possible that his head is solid bone? _she wondered idly. _That would explain why nothing ever gets through it._

The sad thing was, with all this damn drama, they hadn't found a shard in weeks, and the only sightings of anything to do with Naraku had been the Sengoku jidai version of television – Kanna's mirror. At this rate, Naraku was gonna win, because the damn canines were too busy fighting over who got the right to keep her to worry about who got to keep the jewel.

Even worse, in her opinion, was the fact that as badly as Miroku had always wanted to destroy Naraku, so that the hole in his hand didn't suck him in, the pervert monk was just enjoying all the hijinks too much to even be bothered at the lack of progress on the spider hunt. The only sane one anymore was Sango – and even she was still finding some of it entertaining.

And so, the newest fight, which had broken out as they walked down the road, soon had Miroku taking bets again on the outcome – as if they didn't all know that Sesshoumaru would end up kicking everyone elses asses, anyway.

What sent Kagome into hysterics, though, was when she realized just who had arrived, and was actually taking part in the betting pool.

"Miroku," she asked, a deadly glare in her eyes as flames limned her, "what is _he _doing here?"

"W-well, uh," the monk scratched the back of his head sheepishly as she eyed the newcomer dangerously, "hehe, he's just enjoying the show, and betting on the outcome?"

An ominous silence settled over Kagome for one long moment, then, teeth gritted, she managed to get out, "And just what is he betting against you, Miroku?"

"If I pick the winner, he'll take the curse off my hand..." the monk flinched at the sudden explosion that rocked the area as the miko that had been standing in front of him suddenly blew up.

Even Naraku looked scared for a moment as Kagome finally turned on one heel and stalked down the road to where the three stooges were still fighting, but as soon as her gaze was off them, they were once more watching, fascinated, as she confronted two inu, and one dense wolf.

Boom!

Another explosion rocked everyone, and when the dust cleared, there were three males warily eyeing a certain female who looked as evil as anything hell could have ever put out.

Kagome nailed all three with eyes shimmering with the desire for blood, and then pointed towards Miroku and his new betting buddy standing near the rest of the tachi.

"Do you see that?" she shouted. "You've made us into a spectator sport! Even Naraku is joining the fun and betting on outcomes! This is ridiculous!"

Sesshoumaru eyed her as the other two stared at Naraku, and then a smug little smirk crossed his lips. "Then maybe we should give them something else to watch, miko," he purred, and Kagome's eyes widened in shocked horror.

"Are you kidding me?" she began to backpedal frantically as the big daiyoukai slowly stalked towards her with a predatorial look on his face. At the cheers coming from the sidelines, though, she stopped, and shook her finger at him, her anger coming back to the fore.

"No! No way! I refuse to be the feudal era equivalent of the playboy channel, mister!" she yelled. "It's bad enough you've turned my life into a daytime drama, there's no way I'm letting you make things any worse!"

A slow grin began to take shape on Sesshoumaru's face, and Kagome's eyes widened – that look completely unnerved her. "I have heard of this 'playboy channel' from Inuyasha – is it not a hentai 'channel' for males?" He stepped closer once again, a most arrogant look crossing his face.

Kagome nodded, a deer in the headlights expression freezing her face as he stepped up and pulled her into his body slowly, obviously enjoying the feel of her pressed to him.

"Then I would not worry, miko, for you will never be featured on that 'channel' – I will never allow others to enjoy what is meant only for me," he said silkily.

She was still staring at him with that mesmerized look in her eyes when he sighed and set her behind him, before turning and catching the two idiots running at him, one in each hand. As they growled and kicked and whined, he looked at them calculatingly, and then smoothly bashed their heads together, knocking them both out, before tossing them off to the side of the road casually.

With a suddenly sour look on her face, Kagome glared at him as he turned to grab her arm and lead her off into the trees, mumbling to herself about cage matches and wrestling.

As they disappeared under the trees, Naraku turned to Miroku and gloated. "Pay up, monk, I win!"

Grumbling, Miroku started to pull something out of his robes, when another explosion was heard, and Kagome came storming out of the trees, yelling about sadistic, arrogant dogs. With a huge grin, Miroku turned back to a suddenly dismayed spider hanyou. "Ha! _You_ need to pay up, Naraku. Never bet against Kagome-sama – she has quite the temper when riled!"

Both, however, froze, when a loud growl met their ears, and turning slowly, they both noted the _very angry miko_ standing right behind them.

As an evil grin spread across her face, she said, "Let me show you why gambling is illegal where I'm from," and proceeded to let loose with a spanking the likes of which the feudal era had never seen.

When it was over, however, she'd gained something she'd never in a million years have imagined, or wanted - a new admirer.

Turns out Naraku was _extremely_ turned on by a domineering, feisty woman - just as much as Sesshoumaru was.

Kagome wanted to cry – absolutely nothing was going her way anymore.


	11. Raid A Miko's Best Friend?

**Raid – A Miko's Best Friend?**

With a wicked gleam in her eyes, Kagome chortled to herself, leaving everyone in camp to shiver, and move away from her.

Ever since the other day, when Naraku had shown up for the betting pool, and then decided he liked _Kagome_ better than betting, she'd been fuming, and plotting. And it was making everyone, even Sesshoumaru, a tad bit nervous.

Not that the Inu Lord was all that happy that Naraku was now drooling over his female, either – because he wasn't. And it was quite obvious that he was also plotting the downfall of the spider with more vigor than he'd ever shown before. But he was quiet while he did it – Kagome wasn't. And she was scarier for the noise.

The third person that was pissed about Naraku's interest was Inuyasha. Now, the hanyou was a different matter – he didn't bother with plotting or planning – he simply cursed and muttered and threw temper-tantrums all over the place. And there was a new tract of farm-land to prove it – he'd removed a whole section of forest with just a few well-placed wind scars. But the rest of the group was used to his tantrums, and pretty much ignored them, maintaining their equanimity.

The fourth, and last person that was having kittens about Naraku, was Koga – but with the other three that were angry, Koga was nothing spectacular – and so once again, he found himself being pretty much ignored. The only time he weighed on anyone's mind was when they'd idly start to wonder when he was going to go home.

What a sad comedown for the prince of the wolf-tribe – when even humans didn't bother to fear him. As the trip progressed, his disposition soured greatly – but he was still dense, and refused to leave, much to Kagome's dismay.

Miroku was the only one happy with the turnout of the last betting pool – since he no longer had a cursed hand to deal with. Well, that was not _quite_ true, as now bothhands had taken on a cursed aspect – but not the same kind of curse as before. And the only one to think it was a curse at all, was Sango – since now, _both _of the monks hands had a tendency to take up residence on her backside at any given moment.

The groups introspections were interrupted by Kagome's voice. "Sango, do you mind if Kirara helps me out – if it's okay with her?"

Kirara and Sango both looked up at her as she stood up. "Umm, I don't have a problem with it," Sango said as Kirara mewed her agreement. "Do you need to go home?"

Kagome nodded firmly. "Yes, but just to get something. I'll be back through the well within an hour, so if you could wait for me, Kirara?" she asked, and Kirara mewed agreeably.

Inuyasha went to open his mouth, but Kagome glared at him so hard, that his ears snapped back against his head and he shrank back, closing his mouth so fast his teeth almost fell out from the impact.

"Well, then go ahead, Kagome – see you in a while," Sango grinned back at her, knowing that Kagome was up to something – and intensely interested in finding out exactly what it was. And while the rest of the group eyed the little priestess uncertainly, nobody had the nerve to say anything, and soon, she was gone, nothing more than a speck in the sky as she flew off on Kirara.

Sure enough, the girl was back not three hours later, a huge, nasty smirk on her face, and a brown paper bag in her arms. While everyone looked on with confusion, she kept the bag closed so that no one could see what it contained, simply taking it and setting the bag in her pack – and closing it tightly, with a pointed glare at everyone, clearly telling them all to stay out of her pack if they valued their lives.

Nothing more was said about the matter for several days, though everyone was just about dying of curiosity. It wasn't until the next time they saw Naraku that they all found out just how evil the little, unassuming miko could be.

With a smoothness the spider hanyou had never before shown, he appeared in their camp, paying no attention to anyone but Kagome. As the stunned group watched on, Naraku attempted to be seductive, using the stolen body of Kagawaki, the handsome young lord, to attempt to gain Kagome's favor. He was about to gain something, all right – but it wouldn't be her favor.

"Ah, Kagome, my lovely miko, I trust that these barbarians that you are traveling with have not stressed you unduly? Perhaps you would grace me with your presence for a meal – and I could show you the comfort that I could offer you, compared to what-" he glanced around disdainfully, "-these other rather pathetic suitors are obviously willing to give you."

Kagome stared at him flatly. "That's funny, Naraku, since it's because of you that I'm out here in the first place. If not for you and the jewel, I'd be at home – which I can assure you, is better than anything _any _of you could offer me. I don't need a man – err, spider – to provide anything for me."

Naraku smiled, her defiance turning him on, but before he could say anything, the surprise that had held the rest of the camp silent wore off – and Sesshoumaru and Inuyasha began to stalk forward, intent on destroying the newest competition. They stopped cold, however, when the miko reached into her bag, and pulled out the oddest contraption that any of them had ever seen – and they saw her smile.

Kagome idly shook the spray can that she'd brought from home, and grinned at the suddenly uncertain spider. "What would it take for you to go away, Naraku?"

He drew himself up. "Nothing will persuade me to give up, Kagome," he vowed.

"Oh, really? I'm actually glad that you said that, because now I have a reason to use this!" And she advanced on him, and held her finger over the trigger, letting out the most noxious fumes Naraku had ever been exposed to. It was way worse than his miasma, and within moments, he was laying on the ground, out cold – and Kagome was giggling. "Raid... a miko's best friend," she sighed happily.

The rest of the gang was staring at her in awe, but Inuyasha got the idea that it was time to kill Naraku, since he was just laying on the ground in front of them, out like a light, and began to draw Tessaiga. However, before he could do the deed, Kagura rushed in and rescued the unconscious spider, pulling him onto her feather and moving out of reach.

"I hope you know, Kagome, that what you just did will only make him hotter for you," the grossed out wind witch said. "He _likes_ disgusting, dangerous things. You'd have done better if you'd found something that smelled _good_." With that, she flew off, and Kagome narrowed thoughtful eyes, considering what Kagura had just told her while ignoring the uproar going on in camp as everyone exclaimed over the cans of Raid.

_Well, at least it chased him off for now..._

_But... maybe I should bring Febreze next time, instead, hmm? _ And then she sighed, as she looked back at her three canine suitors.

_If only it were so easy to scare off dogs..._


	12. Sex Ed, Sesshoumaru Style

**Sex Ed, Sesshoumaru Style **

Ever since the episode with the Raid, Naraku had been scarce, though Kagome was actually beginning to be a little uncomfortable with that fact – it wasn't likely that he'd been persuaded to leave her alone so easily, especially as Kagura had warned her that the spider was attracted to nasty things, and would probably only try harder to win her after that.

Koga had also made himself scarce, though that was because Sesshoumaru had come very close to turning him into a eunuch one morning as he'd attempted to sneak into a very tired miko's sleeping bag – while she was occupying it. The only reason the male was still _counted_ a male was because, as horrified as she'd been to find out what he'd been up to, she still hadn't wanted to have a permanent memento of the hard-headed wolf to remember him by, and Sesshoumaru's suggestion that he would present the aforementioned part to Kagome as a trophy was enough to get her to demand he desist with his torment of Koga. The fool had scampered off immediately the daiyoukai had released him, and hadn't been seen since.

Thank the kami for small favors, was all Kagome could think.

That left Inuyasha – and he was even more hard-headed and stubborn than the wolf, though he had better sense than to try to sneak into Kagome's bedding – he was more frightened of her than he was of his brother, and that stood her in good stead... usually.

So it was that things around the group had calmed somewhat, though Miroku was still reluctant to get too close to his miko friend after the ass-whipping she'd given him for inviting Naraku into the betting pool he'd created. As much as Sango had always pounded him, Kagome had given him one worse, and he _still _had a lump on his head from that day... Sango had been most impressed, seeing as how her best friend hadn't even used hiraikotsu to inflict the damage.

For all of that, however, she still had the big dog himself to deal with... and it wasn't getting any easier as time went on. Nope, Sesshoumaru was most excellent at making a pest of himself – he was absolutely determined not to give her a moment's breathing space, and Kagome was beginning to wonder if she shouldn't just give in – under the ancient wisdom that gave out that once a male had _caught _what he was chasing, he would then proceed to ignore it, deeming it of no more importance.

She would _enjoy_ being ignored right about now, really she would. If only she could convince that stubborn dog of that, she'd be in heaven, but alas, no such luck for a poor, put-upon priestess.

She'd noted, rather absently at first, that the silver-haired inu had been sending Jaken back and forth on Ah-Uhn to his shiro quite frequently of late, and as it continued, she began to get very curious. It seemed that the only thing the toad ever returned with were scrolls – that the dai would look over most carefully, an even more green Jaken than usual standing by, then he would frown, shake his head, and hand the scrolls back to said toad, and send him off again... only to turn around and do it again.

This went on for several days every evening after they'd made camp, and Kagome – as well as everyone else – was so curious by this time that she was almost ready to actually approach the dog and ask.

Now, normally, she wouldn't dream of doing so – something like that was an open invitation to the annoying male, and he would usually take the opportunity to run his hands places they had no business being. It was Miroku all over again, only worse, because hiraikotsu wouldn't work on Sesshoumaru.

Finally, one evening, after Jaken had made two trips, Sesshoumaru seemed to find what he'd been looking for, if the sudden loss of the scowl that had been adorning his face lately was any indication. Jaken looked so relieved, that the entire group was almost dying to see what was in those scrolls – and why Jaken inevitably looked embarrassed to death at even holding them.

Inuyasha was the first to break. "Oi, bastard... what the hell was up with all that with Jaken playing fetch? What was so damn important about those scrolls?"

Warning bells went off in Kagome's head when the daiyoukai looked at his brother, and then slanted a smirk her way. She just knew, _right then_, that she absolutely _did_ _not_ _want_ to know the answer to that question. Unfortunately, it appeared it was too late to run, as Sesshoumaru stood to his feet with a smug expression and walked over to her, holding out the scroll for her to take.

She tried to avoid doing so, but he refused to move, holding it out until she finally gave in and took it, _very _reluctantly. "Why are you giving this to me? _He's_ the one that asked – give it to him, because I'm somehow very sure that I don't want it!"

The smug expression on his face intensified, and he slowly shook his head, those mesmerizing silver locks floating around him, drawing her eyes, just as he knew they would. "This is for you to read, miko – call it educational material you will need to know for our mating night, if you will. Familiarize yourself with the information contained within, Kagome – you will most definitely be using it," he purred.

Eyes wide, she gulped, and slowly rolled open the scroll. Almost ripping her eyes away from his, she looked down...

And promptly shrieked, her face going from normal to crimson in two point five seconds flat as she dropped the parchment and jumped to her feet, sputtering and pointing at first the scroll, and then him.

The entire group stared at her, jaws dropping, and eyes popping at her reaction, as Sesshoumaru merely snickered and walked back to his spot by the fire calmly. "Retrieve the scroll, miko – I have no desire to lose it. It has been in my family for quite some time."

"You... that... how... where..." she inhaled, then exhaled, trying mightily to get herself under control, and then, teeth gritted, she managed to finally get her question out – _almost _calmly. "Where in the hell did you get your hands on a copy of something like _that_? And why are you giving it to _me_?"

A single brow rose slowly as he looked her over from head to toe, and said, "I assumed you would prefer this method of learning what you will need to know rather than shall we say, a _live_ lesson? If I was wrong, however, I would not be averse to providing you with a visual aid... as long as I was with you, of course."

Miroku's expression closely resembled one who had just received a divine visitation once he realized what was in that scroll, and as he made to slither over and make a grab for it, Kagome snatched it up and clutched it to her chest, a horrified look on her face.

"Oh no you don't, Miroku! There is no way on this earth I am letting you look at this, this... this _porn_! You're bad enough without it!" Stalking over to her bag, she shoved the rolled parchment into it, snapping the lid closed, and then sat down, pulled it into her lap and glared at everyone warningly. "If I catch any one of you even _thinking_ about looking at this bag, I'll destroy you!"

Miroku looked crestfallen, though all the rest of the adults save Sesshoumaru looked embarrassed, and they all nodded, quite happy not to have to look at said scroll. Kagome was relieved that the children were already asleep – that cut out the awkward questions that she would never be able to bring herself to answer.

Her relief was short lived, however, as Sesshoumaru just had to add in his two-yen's worth once more.

"You, miko, _will,_ however, be studying that material every evening before bed... and I will make sure that you do," he said, dark promise in his voice.

Kagome slumped over her bag with a whimper.

_Mommy!_

_-cCc-_

A/N: Due to the overwhelming responses on all of my stories, I will no longer be able to answer every review that I recieve, though, be assured that I do read and enjoy every one. If someone has a question, I will answer, have no fear_. _

With that said, enjoy!

Amber


	13. Sex Ed, Kagome Style!

**Sex Ed, _Kagome_ Style!**

_That rat! _

Kagome was on a rant again, cursing up one side and down the other – all within the silence of her own mind as Sesshoumaru ordered her to open his naughty scroll and study it some more.

With a glare to rival any one of his, Kagome carved trenches into his spine as he walked away from her, and then swung that piercing gaze around to stare at Miroku, who had dared to snicker out loud. He was on her shit list, anyway... he'd been trying everything he could to sneak a look at that scroll, and Kagome had been forced to keep the stupid thing practically glued to her skin just to keep him away.

Sesshoumaru seemed to find that fact rather amusing... but Kagome wasn't laughing, and as her eyes narrowed, with flames of vengeance limning them, the rest of the group understood very quickly that Sesshoumaru wouldn't be finding _anything_ amusing very soon, either.

But none of them were brave enough to ask what she was going to do to get back at the dog, so all they could do was wait.

Kagome didn't make them wait for very long.

They were already on the way back to the well so she could go home for a test and for supplies, anyway, so it was only a matter of days before she would be back, the object of her revenge in hand.

Once she got home, it took a little planning, and ingenuity on her part... and a knowledge of which one of her girlfriends had access to the required objects. Once armed with that knowledge, it wasn't long before she'd broken her friend down, and managed to borrow one of the aforementioned objects.

Sesshoumaru would rue the day he'd forced Kagome to read such subjects, that was for certain... the only thing would be, once again, keeping the hentai _monk_ from seeing what she was about to inflict on the much more innocent period of time known as the Sengoku Jidai. No woman would ever be safe if Miroku got his hands on the article she was going to unleash on the perverted inu that was determined to harass her.

Once she had said article, all she had to do was pack up her laptop, making sure the battery was fully charged, and then, grinning evilly, she tossed everything in her bag, and spent the rest of her time studying for her tests, and then going to school and taking her tests... and _not_ thinking about what she was going to do to Sesshoumaru.

Oh, not that what she was going to do would harm him in any way, really... but it would definitely shock him – and probably make him a bit angry, as well... but she was fully confident he'd get over it... sooner or later. He was a big inu now, after all, and she was sure he wore big boy pants – he could take it.

Finally, three days after heading home in the first place, she packed the rest of her stuff in her bag, and then hopped over the edge of the well, an evil snicker echoing in the well-house as she left her era, and floated gently back into the past.

_Ready or not, Sesshoumaru, here I come!_

She didn't say a word to the inu Lord for the rest of that day, nor the day after, as they traveled, but the moment evening came, and they began to set up camp, she could barely hide her excitement... it was only a matter of time before he dropped that scroll in her lap again, and when he did...

Sure enough, as soon as dinner was over, and the children sleeping, the inu Lord stood and sauntered over to her, handing the scroll to her. She'd made him take it back before she left, flat out refusing to carry it home with her – she definitely didn't need her mother finding that thing... _although_, she tapped a finger on her chin as she thought about it,_ that might actually be funny._ Her mother would find a way through the well if she found that, and read the pervert the riot act... she would love to see such a sight!

At any rate, the moment came, and as he handed her that stupid porno scroll, he said, "It is time to return to your studies on how to please this one, miko. I would have you well prepared for our mating."

She smiled then, a toothy, jagged smile, and reached into her bag, pulling out her laptop... and a certain DVD. "That's fine, Sesshoumaru," she said, false sweetness literally oozing from her voice, "but in return, I would like you to sit down, and watch this." She got the laptop up and running, then popped the DVD into the drive, and brought up the player. As he eyed her suspiciously, she said, "After all, if _I_ have to learn how to please you, then_ you _have to learn how to please me. If you watch this, you will understand what I expect in the way of pleasure from my mate."

As the smug look began to drop from his eyes at her insinuation that he wasn't experienced enough to please her, he turned to look at the screen she'd placed before him – and his eyes almost fell out of his head as he saw what was playing before him. Shocked beyond the ability to speak, he turned to stare at her, and she cocked a brow.

"What? You'd best pay attention, Sesshoumaru – in deciding to court me, you placed yourself in the big leagues – I won't play with anyone not knowledgeable enough to please me, so learn what you can." She desperately wanted to laugh – the look on his face was priceless – but she kept a straight face, succeeding in making him think she was serious. Without a word, he looked back down at the laptop, and, with cheeks actually carrying a light blush, kept his eyes glued to it...

Kagome pursed her lips, and then flicked a look at Miroku, who was trying his damnedest to low-crawl his way around the camp and into range of the laptop without being noticed. "Go back to your seat, monk, and don't leave it again, unless you'd like another lump on the other side of your head to match the one that's already there," she said warningly.

Miroku sighed morosely and pouted as he scooted back to his previous spot_. It's not fair..._

Kagome was quite pleased with the results of her revenge – Sesshoumaru wasn't able to meet her gaze for days...

Though she rather suspected it was because his imagination was too busy putting _her_ in place of the woman in the video... and _himself_ in place of the guy, as he walked around stiffly - it wasn't hard for her to guess why, and she was thankful the children didn't seem to notice, and that his hakama were loose enough to hide the reason why. Still, peaceful days were few and far between with him around, and she would take what she could get in the way of silence on his part.

And besides... if she really_ did _end up caving in and mating him, those same ideas would probably come in handy.

Suddenly, _she_ was imagining him doing those things to her...

The visual had her hot and bothered in no time at all.

_Damn... that wasn't supposed to give me ideas!_


	14. Romancing the Miko

**Romancing the Miko**

Sesshoumaru was, for the first time in his life, at a loss. He had never before cared to learn the ways of women – and certainly not women of the human variety.

Now, from what little he'd gathered from his father, youkai females wanted to be dominated – they understood the ways of the alpha male, and if he'd wanted one of them as his mate, he'd have only had to walk up to her, and demand her submission.

More than likely, unless that certain female hated his guts, she'd have laid down and let him do whatever he wanted to her as soon as she noticed his interest.

According to the monk, most human females were that way, too, used to doing what their males said without question. The only seeming exception to this was the miko he was after – and the slayer that was her best friend. For some reason, those two females had to be different than any other onna that existed...

He sighed as he thought about it – he never could do things the easy way. Couldn't he just find another female to desire? No... it had to be _that _one. And now she was driving him to distraction, because every time he tried to get her attention, she one-upped him.

For instance, that sexual instruction scroll he'd given her to learn from. Couldn't she just take it as it was meant? No – she had to try to trump him. And damned if she hadn't done it, too. A slight flush rose in his face again at the thought of what she'd shown him – the moment he'd finished watching what she'd set before him, he'd taken the scroll back and rolled it up, then sent Jaken back home with it without a word to the miko. Obviously, if she knew about the things he'd seen on that screen, she didn't need to read his little scroll.

And that left him where he was now – trying to figure out how to get what he wanted. Because all of this had only served to heighten his desire for the stubborn woman – and despite his confusion, he was bound and determined to get her... one way or the other.

With that in mind, he had done something he'd never thought he would – he'd started spying on courting humans to see how the males of her species enticed the females into mating them – or marrying, as the humans apparently called it.

Since he'd had no luck with domination such as youkai courting would consist of, he would have to try his hand at something different. And if any of the other Lords ever found out, they would be laughing their asses off for the next ten centuries.

He scowled – was she really worth all this?

Slanting a glance ahead at her as she walked before him, and taking note of the swaying of those beautiful hips, he swallowed and decided that yes, she was worth it. But it would most definitely be even more worth it if no one else ever found out. With a narrow-eyed glare back at his half-brother, he decided that if anyone _did_ find out, he'd simply take his pound of flesh out of his brother's hide.

Satisfied with that thought, he turned his mind back to the things he'd learned of human courting, and began to pick through what he'd seen.

It was time to confuse a certain miko by completely changing tactics on her.

One behavior he'd taken note of was gift-giving. Human women seemed to enjoy being given different items, all the way from simple flowers, to much more elaborate gifts.

For him, though, empty gift-giving had no meaning. So what could he find that would incorporate his own needs to show her he could be a good mate, yet would also satisfy her own need for gifts?

His first answer came one day when the group came upon a beautiful meadow filled with flowers that was being dug up by a certain clan that was planning to build their estate in that place, and Sesshoumaru noted Kagome's saddened expression as she watched the field be destroyed.

"What is wrong, miko?" he asked, mystified. "Have these people offended you for some reason?"

The entire group stopped and stared at him, and Kagome blinked, startled. "Um, no... it's just that this field is so beautiful, and now it's being destroyed to build a castle for some rich people that probably already have one somewhere else." She sighed, and her gaze took on a far-away quality. "That's why there's so little beauty left in my time – people do the same there, too. Human expansion, it's called."

Sesshoumaru looked at her for a moment, then around at the meadow with a thoughtful expression on his face. Before anyone could even say anything to him, he disappeared, and everyone stared at the place he had just been standing with confused looks, uncertain what he was up to.

When he didn't reappear within a few minutes, the group decided to take a break from their travels, and everyone sprawled out comfortably, waiting for him to return. Kagome, Sango, Shippo and Rin clustered together, with the young girl making flower crowns for herself and the other two ladies contentedly while Shippo helped.

About an hour later, the group noticed that the construction efforts seemed to be coming to a halt as the men in the field gathered their tools and left. It left the group stumped, since it was barely mid-day, and definitely too early to be quitting for the day.

The answer came when Sesshoumaru suddenly landed in the midst of the group, and walked up to Kagome bearing a rolled up scroll, which he handed to her with a slight bow.

She flashed him a startled look. "What's this for?"

"It is a courting gift for you, miko. Open it."

Flushing, and completely taken aback at this new tactic, she unrolled it, and began reading. Her eyes widened, and she gasped. "Sesshoumaru! You... how did... I mean, wasn't someone just building an estate here? How did you... why..." she stuttered out, and Sesshoumaru cocked a tolerant brow.

"You stated that you liked this field, and the flowers within it, and were upset by the destruction being wrought within it for human expansion. So I bought it, and am gifting it to you," he said calmly, as though buying land on a woman's whim because she liked the flowers in it was nothing to him.

Flabbergasted, Kagome stared at him, then exchanged stunned looks with the rest of the tachi, though Inuyasha looked more pissed than anything. "This is... this is a little... much," she finally stammered, shaking her head as though having trouble believing her eyes and ears.

"This is what you should expect, miko, from the male you give yourself to. While your other suitors-" his nose wrinkled with thinly veiled disgust, "-might gift you with a handful of flowers that wilt and die within hours, _I_ can gift you with the land they come from -thus giving you a gift that keeps on giving, year after year," he said smugly.

Taking the scroll from her suddenly limp fingers, he rolled it back up proudly and settled it into her backpack, before turning on his heel and making everyone get up and get moving again.

Kagome was dead silent all day – she had no answer to a gesture of such extravagance.

Sesshoumaru was pleased – not only was she silent, but she had taken the scroll back out of her bag and kept it clutched to her chest the whole day...

With a soft look in eyes that were plastered to him the entire time.

He gloated inwardly at the success of his very first attempt at wooing her... at this rate, she would be his within days, because none of the other males that wanted her could do anything like what he'd just done for her.

In Kagome's terms, they would be called _losers._

-sSs-

A/N: I wonder how long he'll go before he messes it all up? How is Kagome going to respond once she wakes up from her shock, and what's Naraku's answer going to be to this?

Amber


	15. Revenge Five Hundred Years in the Making

**Revenge Five Hundred Years in the Making**

Sesshoumaru wagged his tail as he watched the younger version of his mate run for the well with an evil smirk on her face, and snickered inwardly – he remembered _quite_ well what came next: that porn DVD she'd brought to show him, and then the land he'd given her when he'd decided to take a different tack in courting her.

His eyes narrowed on his mate as she sat hidden in the trees, trying her damnedest not to laugh aloud and give herself away – it was clear she was _also _aware what nasty little trick she was about to play on him, and was finding the memory amusing.

She wouldn't be laughing later, however.

It might have taken him five hundred years, but he was about to get her back – and he guaranteed she wouldn't be walking straight for a week once he was done... and she'd have a perma-blush, as well – he'd make sure of it.

With a swish of his tail, he trotted over to his mate and poked his nose into her belly, letting her know it was time to release his double so they could go home. He growled slightly, annoyed, as she chuckled knowingly at him – when he'd originally set himself up as the new guard dog at the shrine, he hadn't taken into account that the position wasn't really a nine-to-five job... and he hadn't been too happy that he'd had to stay behind and actually _guard_ the shrine – twenty-four seven. Kagome had laughed for days as she'd gone home and left him behind every afternoon...

Finally, she'd folded from all his griping, and gone and searched out a double for him... when he'd had enough of harassing her past self, they brought in the other dog, and settled him in to do the actual work, while _he_ went home and enjoyed the fruits of his labors – namely, his mate.

This time, though, she was in for a surprise – one he had been planning for months.

They weren't actually going home.

He'd even gone so far as to ship their youngest son off to his Uncle and Aunt's house for the next two days, so that he could take her to their special place.

With a huge doggy grin, he turned and moved away, his whole attitude beckoning his mate to follow along behind him, and the moment they reached their car, he transformed back into his humanoid self, and got in, preparing to kidnap his own mate. He'd taken the liberty of having her maid pack her some clothes and bathing articles, and put them in the trunk on the sly, along with his own things, and now it was time for his vengeance to begin.

It didn't take more than ten minutes for Kagome to realize they weren't heading home, but he refused to answer her questions, merely informing her of where their son was, and then clamming up with a rather disturbing smirk on his face that had Kagome eyeing him dubiously for the entire trip.

It only took about an hour to arrive at their destination, and Kagome squealed happily when she saw where they were... even after all these centuries, they still had the field of flowers that he had given her as a courting gift, and he'd had a small vacation house built there in one corner of the field, leaving the rest of it untouched.

"Why didn't you just tell me this is where we were going, Sesshoumaru? You know I love to come here with you," she cooed happily.

He turned to her, then, and his smirk widened and turned wicked, and she pulled back, her eyes narrowing with suspicion. "Okay, what's up with that look?"

Not saying a word, but continuing to smirk, he got out of the car and walked to the trunk; taking out their bags, and entering the small house, he moved straightaway to the master bedroom, depositing everything on the floor in the corner, save for one small bag, which he placed carefully on a table at the foot of the bed.

Quickly getting everything set up, he waited patiently for his mate to overcome her nervousness and traipse into the room – the minute she did, he slammed the door, and locked it...

She didn't even notice, however, her eyes glued to the bed... and the new accoutrements that it was sporting with disbelief. Spinning around after a moment, she gaped at him, shocked.

"W-what is this, Sesshoumaru? Since when did _you_ get into whips and chains... and bondage?" she squeaked.

And then he grinned, fangs flashing as he hit the play button on the laptop, he watched with sadistic glee as she registered _exactly _what was playing on it. He eyed her with interest as the reddest red he'd ever seen on her moved from her chest all the way to her hairline, and speculated idly that she was probably just as red down to her toes.

He tilted his head towards the laptop, and his grin widened. "Bring back any memories, miko?" he asked silkily.

Kagome gulped, and suddenly wished she'd slapped her past self silly and taken that porno back from her...

Because it looked like she was about to become intimately acquainted with the concept of 'paybacks are a bitch'.

_I can't believe he's been waiting five hundred years to get me back for that!_ was the last coherent thought she had for two days straight.

Sesshoumaru was most pleased with the outcome of those two days...

Kagome didn't lose the blush for quite some time, just like he'd promised himself.

-sSs-

A/N: I just couldn't resist...

I wanted to thank everyone over on Dokuga for the nominations/wins for this story in the current quarter. It placed third Best Humor, and second for Best drabble for chapter 1 - I was most honored!

Amber


	16. Eau d' Febreze

**Eau d' Febreze**

Kagome sighed as she shifted her pack on her shoulders and heard the rather loud clinking from within. It was getting annoying, she had to admit – but she wasn't willing to get rid of what was making that clinking sound, not for any reason.

But the noise _was _aggravating, and she rolled her eyes, counting down..._ three, two, one... ah, right on time. _

"Oi, do something about that damn noise your bag is making, wench!" Inuyasha shouted irritably as his ears flattened to his head.

She growled. "Inuyasha, if you don't shut up about it, I'm going to osuwari you so hard you'll be a girl by the time I'm finished!" she yelled right back with deadly intent.

The rest of the group listened in with interest as they all trudged along, but huge guffaws of laughter came when Sesshoumaru had to stick his two yens worth in.

Being who he was, the demon Lord couldn't resist an opening like that one, and feigning deep astonishment, he asked, "Do you mean to assert, miko, that Inuyasha is not a female _already_? I was most certain that I had a half-sister all these years."

Of course, a jibe like that started a fight, and Kagome just shook her head wearily at the antics of the two brothers, while deciding that she may as well take advantage of the unscheduled stop and rest her weary, aching feet.

The stop felt so good, as a matter of fact, that she decided to make it a permanent stop – at least for the night. By the time the two inu had _stopped_ fighting, camp was already set up, but the moment Inuyasha caught sight of what she'd done, he started screaming.

"Wench! Who said we could stop? We've got shards to find! Pack up all this crap and get back to shard detecting!"

Everyone breathed a sigh of relief as Sesshoumaru calmly clobbered his brother over the head, then moved to seat himself next to Kagome. He turned to look at the relief on her face, then said dryly, "Consider that another courting gift, since silencing his pointless ranting brings you such obvious relief."

The camp broke out in snickers, and Kagome shrugged tiredly. "Whatever."

She was just beginning to think about getting dinner going not twenty minutes later, when she felt a large chunk of the jewel coming towards them, and Inuyasha vaulted up from his prone spot where his brother had dumped him - that funny enough was in a rather large sticker patch - screaming obscenities and shouting Naraku's name.

The moment the shock wore off, Kagome dove for her bag, and yanked the top open, and as soon as she did, the reason for all that clanking noise inside became apparent – more of those odd cans like she'd used against Naraku the last time – though these looked a little different in design.

Sesshoumaru cast her a curious glance, then moved to stand before her protectively, and her friends also looked at her with questions in their eyes – but she didn't pay any attention, simply taking one of the cans out, and grinning as she began to spray it on herself.

"Oh, I hope Kagura was right about something that smells good getting rid of him," she muttered to herself.

Within moments, the object of her objections stood inside the camp, smiling his smarmy grin at her, and she shivered in disgust. "Ugh, Naraku, what are you doing here again – and how'd you get so much of the jewel so quickly?" she asked, noticing how much more powerful the call of the tama was. He hadn't had so much of it before...

The spider chuckled and moved a little closer, ignoring Inuyasha's growls, but keeping a close eye on Sesshoumaru. "Why, I decided to gift you the completed jewel as a mating gift, my dear," he said, eyeing her in a decidedly creepy way as he once again shifted closer to her. He opened his mouth to say something else, then his face blanched, and his eyes bulged out as the breeze moved her scent towards him.

"W-what is that horrible stench?" he shrieked, rapidly back-pedaling and covering his nose with his hand.

"It's my new perfume, Naraku, why, don't like it?" she asked, mock sweetly, enjoying the sight of his horror so much she didn't take his previous words in at all.

The spider shook his head in a frantic way, and began to surround himself with his cloud of miasma. "You must bathe that stench from you, my dear, before I return with the completed jewel – which won't be long. I will never tolerate such a horribly poisonous smell around myself."

With that, the evil hanyou disappeared into the wide blue yonder, and Kagome shook her can absently and sighed, moving to replace it in her bag.

Sango glanced over at her, then, and Kagome met her eyes, tilting her head questioningly at the taijiya's intent look.

"What's wrong, Sango?"

"I was just thinking about what Naraku said," she replied, and Miroku nodded, casting a quick glance at the silent Sesshoumaru. Everyone simply ignored the still-ranting hanyou – as usual.

Kagome's brow furrowed in curiosity. "What did he say? I wasn't really paying attention to _him,_ just his reaction to my spray."

"He said that he was collecting the shards to gift you the tama as a mating gift," Sesshoumaru said disdainfully.

At that, the clearing went totally silent as Kagome froze, and Sesshoumaru's brows both rose into his bangs at the sight that met his eyes then. Even Inuyasha's ranting was interrupted as he gaped at Kagome – and then they all, save Sesshoumaru, started laughing.

"O-oi," Inuyasha gasped between guffaws, "I ain't never seen a woman's hair literally stand on end like _that_. And that's some feat, since Kagome's hair's so long!" he fell over laughing.

Sesshoumaru stared with interest at a phenomena he had also never seen, as did the others, and for several moments, the only sound in camp was everyone's laughter – until Kagome's shouting woke them all from their stupor of hilarity.

"Who the hell said we could stop for the night? We've got shards to find, so let's get moving! We don't have time to sit around – this shard detector has a job to do and there's still daylight to get to the doing!" she hollared, and every jaw in camp dropped, save Sesshoumaru's – his brows just tried to climb higher into his bangs.

After just a few seconds of her ranting, however, he reached over and pinched off a certain nerve, catching her easily as she dropped, unconscious.

Miroku was the first to break the silence. "Well, it appears as though the thought of Naraku as a mate is enough to motivate Kagome quite thoroughly," he said wryly.

As Sesshoumaru placed Kagome down into the bedding that had been prepared for her, he asked, "Would it not motivate you?"

Everyone in the camp had to nod in agreement at that, though Inuyasha had to take it one step further.

"Keh, it'd light a fire under my ass, that's for sure," he snorted.

Sesshoumaru stopped short, a look of disgust on his face as he shuddered. "That was far more information than was needed, half-breed. The thought of the stench of burnt hair is enough to make even me ill – and youkai do not get sick. Do not speak again this night, or I will knock you out once more."

The camp fell silent as each person there unwillingly pondered Sesshoumaru's words. Highly unsettled expressions soon graced the face of the entire group.

"What an unnerving visual," Miroku muttered.

Nods of agreement were shared all around.

Inuyasha just blushed.


	17. Cats in the Bathwater

**Cats in the Bathwater**

Kagome glanced over at an oddly subdued Sango, and sighed wearily. It had been a _long _day.

A long, _hot _day.

For some reason, it was hotter than it should have been – like a heatwave was blasting the lands, and it was affecting the group quite harshly. All except Sesshoumaru, of course – once again, no matter how hot the day, he looked cool and collected.

Jerk.

For the rest of them, though, heat equaled misery, and misery, at least in the case of one fiery miko, equaled a bad time for the rest of the group. Kagome was very grouchy when she was hot – and dirty and sticky and sweaty... and all those other appellations that made up an extremely uncomfortable state.

Now, it hadn't taken long after Sesshoumaru had joined the group for him to figure all that out, and so, with a quick, sidelong glance at the grumpy miko, he lifted his nose into the wind and sniffed, looking for water. Fortunately for all of them, he scented a good source of cold water not far off, and immediately led the group in that direction.

It was a good thing he did.

The moment the sparkling blue waters came into sight, Kagome let out with a squeal of delight, dropped her bag, and started digging for her bathing items, clothes, and a towel.

"Sango," she sang out happily, "wanna come take a nice, cool, refreshing bath?"

Sango eyed the river approvingly and nodded. It was a deep slow-moving river, and its source was obviously in the mountains, meaning that even with the heat, it would still be nice and cold. Just what the slayer ordered.

"Absolutely, Kagome," Sango caroled back. "Let me grab my things, and I'll be right with you."

The males of the group simply eyed the females warily, though Sesshoumaru quickly spoke up. "Miko – you will take Rin with you, as well as the kit."

Kagome glanced at him and nodded, smiling cheerfully. She was well aware that he'd deliberately looked for a place with water for them, and she was very grateful. "Sure – come on, Rin, and join us. The water will feel really good!"

Shippo shouted happily as Rin grinned, and within moments, the two adults and two children were off around a small bend for privacy's sake. Sesshoumaru's eyes narrowed on the monk whose eyes had already begun to glint with a mad hentai light.

"Monk, you will not move from this camp. If you do, this Sesshoumaru will relieve you of the body parts that encourage your hentai tendencies."

Miroku gaped at him for a moment. "Huh?"

Inuyasha plopped onto the ground and snorted disgustedly at the monk. "Sheesh, pay attention to something other than naked women, you letch. The frigid prick there was tellin' you he was gonna cut of your man parts if you even think of wandering out of this camp."

The monk paled, then nodded hastily – as much as he adored the idea of seeing naked Sango and Kagome, losing his closest friend for the privilege was sort of defeating the whole purpose of all the spying. He'd have to find something else to occupy his thoughts...

Satisfied that the monk would cooperate, the daiyoukai ordered that camp be set up, and just like that, Miroku had something else to occupy his mind – and hands.

Kagome sighed with complete happiness as she sank her weary body into the cold, cold waters of the river, feeling so refreshed just from the coolness of the fluid meandering past her flesh.

"Oh... this is _so_ nice," she said softly. "I'm going to have to do something nice for Sesshoumaru to pay him back for finding this place for us."

Lifting languid hands, she ran her fingers through her heated locks of hair, still overly warm from the rays of the sun, and then she took a deep breath, and dunked herself under, shuddering with the pleasure of the heat being so rapidly cooled. Coming back up, she flung her now soaked tresses over her shoulder, and then moved towards a rock to take a seat.

Sango was enjoying the water just as much, and the two children even more, rushing around at the shallow edge of the river and splashing each other happily. Kagome smiled – they were so cute.

Her smile fell off her face between one second and the next as her brain melted down and her mouth froze...

There was a very obviously naked _male _figure coming up from under the water, and all she and Sango could do was stare, shocked speechless.

He was gorgeous. And neko.

"Uhh," Kagome stuttered out, "I thought cats hated water." It was the only thing her stunned mind could squeeze out.

The male turned and smiled dangerously at the two females in his sights, making both their hearts beat much, _much_ faster.

"I am tora – we enjoy water, unlike most other neko," he purred. "And especially when there are such... _attractive_ females in the water with us." A smirk curled one side of his strangely beautiful mouth, and jaws dropped...

And then Shippo started shouting, Rin started screaming, and Sango and Kagome dropped back into the water, covering their chests with their hands as they both turned beet red, horribly embarrassed to have been caught out gawking at the handsome male like village idiots while showing off some of their assets.

The youkai merely laughed, a deep rumble, even as Sesshoumaru and Inuyasha both crashed into the small glade surrounding that part of the riverbank, followed by Miroku. Both inu's hackles raised at the sight before them.

"You would do well to turn and leave this area now, _neko_," Sesshoumaru growled, deadly intent in the sound.

The tora glanced appraisingly at the opposing male, then shrugged and began to wade from the river, at which point both women immediately blushed even deeper and dropped their eyes.

With an amused glance back at the two attractive women, the tora, said, "Perhaps I will instead claim the two females for myself, _inu_." The last word was said with just as much derision as Sesshoumaru had placed upon the word describing his own race.

And that pissed Kagome right off, which, anyone who knew her could tell you, was tantamount to her losing every last bit of sense she possessed. Standing up, conveniently forgetting that she was still naked, she pointed at the tora and started yelling.

"Now wait just a damn minute, you overgrown housecat! I'm not some catnip patch you can just claim and then roll in! _How dare you?_" she shrieked. Suddenly noting the interested male stares, and glazed eyes, along with the very angry, red-eyed daiyoukai standing on the riverbank, Kagome realized the show she was giving the whole crowd.

It occurred to her in that moment that she had a couple of choices. She could, one, scream, drop back into the river, and resign herself to a permanently ruddy complexion over the embarrassment of this whole episode, or, two, she could thumb her nose at the lot of them, show her disdain by climbing out of the river and grabbing her clothes and walking back to camp - as if there were nothing wrong with her doing so, naked or not.

Kagome chose option two.

Getting out of the water with a sort of grand indifference, she stalked towards her clothing and towel, completely ignoring the staring males, and the now growling Sesshoumaru, and picking up her things, she turned with a sniff, stuck her nose in the air, motioned for the children to follow, and then stormed off back towards the camp, while every male eye was plastered to her sweetly swaying backside.

Not a one of the males there had ever seen the likes of that, and they all privately concluded that they most likely never would again... while Sesshoumaru's mind was set that they _certainly _never would. Only _he_ would be allowed to see such a sight again.

With a vicious snarl, he brought everyone's attention back to himself, and once again the tora eyed him, before glancing back at the awed Sango. "I think that maybe I will content myself with one female..." he trailed off, only to feel a surge of enraged holy energy flood the area from a suddenly pissed monk.

"Not if you want to stay alive, you won't," Miroku spat. "She's taken, and so is the Lady Kagome – if you want a woman, go steal one from somewhere else!"

With a rather irritated sigh, the neko shrugged again, and waded the rest of the way out of the river, reached behind a bush to grab his own clothing, and then turned on his heel and walked away without another word.

The three males still left in the clearing began to settle down...

Until Sesshoumaru realized that the mangy feline had wandered off in the direction of camp.

When the explosion that followed had finally died down, the neko found himself two miles away...

And picking splinters out of his ass for weeks.

Apparently, it didn't pay to piss off the Western Lord.

Pissing off his Lady, though...

Now _that _had been interesting.

-sSs-

A/N: Could you just see someone having the nerve to do something like that? I would never have had the guts... but I'd give all props to someone who did!

Amber


	18. The Taming of the Pup

**The Taming of the Pup**

Kagome sighed in irritation.

Things had actually been going fairly well the last several weeks since the incident with the neko interrupting their baths – until she'd gotten the strange feeling that something was up with Inuyasha.

Now, anything going wrong with that boy was usually an immediate problem – so she was understandably concerned that whatever was up with him, was definitely different – and that was cause for worry.

What she couldn't figure out, was what the problem was.

_Okay, think dog. What would I think of his actions, if I were looking at a dog?_

She frowned. _No... too many of his actions seem to be rather more human than inu – I've never seen true inu being secretive. They don't really care who sees what, _she thought, her mind taking her back to Sesshoumaru's show and tell when he was in his dog form. Her mind turned disgruntled as certain parts of her body warmed at the memory. _Naked is naked, indeed, _she huffed to herself. _Not when it's __Sesshoumaru,__ it's not._

_Anyway, _ she thought to herself peevishly, pushing that memory out of her mind with rather more force than usual, _I need to stop thinking Sesshoumaru, and start thinking Inuyasha. There couldn't be two more different dogs out there than those brothers._

Kagome was not the only one to notice Inuyasha's preoccupation, and disappearing acts – Sesshoumaru himself also picked up on his brother's state of mind, but was also just as mystified. As Kagome had thought, most dogs were not that secretive... _except_ when it came to hiding something they felt was theirs, and that was being threatened by another dog. That last thought left the daiyoukai with narrowed eyes and an even narrower temper – the whelp had _better_ not be thinking about what he, Sesshoumaru, _suspected_ he was thinking about...

He was.

Inuyasha had always considered Kagome his property, his mind sinking into his inu instincts with regards to the futuristic miko, and with Sesshoumaru stomping all over his scent markers and claims – and warnings – the way he was, his instincts had kicked into high gear.

Unfortunately for him, Kagome was _not_ inu – and she was _not _going to be appreciative of what was about to happen.

Finally, several days after Kagome and Sesshoumaru had become suspicious of Inuyasha's behavior, they got into a small battle with a stupid, rather weak youkai that attacked first, of all people, Sesshoumaru – giving Inuyasha his best chance. Streaking over to where Kagome was still standing watching the fight, he grabbed her, and took off at high speed, completely ignoring the young woman's highly irate voice in his ear telling him that he was going to shortly be in a _great _deal of pain.

Finally, he seemed to arrive at his destination, setting her back on her feet in a small cave that was set up with firewood and furs to sleep on. It was clear that this is where he'd been disappearing to for the last several days. Kagome looked around, and then scowled at the suddenly slightly nervous inu hanyou.

"Do you mind telling me," she started in a rather ominously quiet voice, "just what you think you are doing?"

Inuyasha cringed just like any dog who'd been a bad little puppy and upset the master, but stood firm regardless, and spoke.

What he said sealed his fate.

"Look, you're mine. You've _always_ been mine – and Sesshoumaru knows it! He comes in here running all over my scent claims, and now I'm going to put a stop to that. I'm going to claim you as mine, _completely_, and then that bastard will have to give up and go away and stop raining on my festival!" he growled, getting pissed again as he thught about the elder inu's actions. He was so busy with that that he missed the explosion about to happen right on his doorstep.

Until it started – and then he noticed it just fine. Suddenly, he rather thought that he'd prefer to be facing Sesshoumaru.

Hands clenched at her sides, eyes snapping with furious fire, the miko inhaled, and then let loose on a garbled shriek.

"_You stupid dog_! I don't belong to _you,_ or anyone else, for that matter, I'm my own person! SIT!" She waited until he slammed into the solid rock with a satisfied air, and then continued on with her rant. "I don't care about scents and claims and stupid crap like that, and if you ever try something like this again, you'll never ever have to miss Kikyou – because I'll slam you so hard you'll dig your own hole straight to hell to join her little party! SIT! And another thing! You..."

Sesshoumaru, who had finally found his way to the cave his brother had disappeared to, settled back to watch the contretemps with a satisfied air – he'd been about to beat his brother to a pulp, but he decided that this was a better way, and a very amusing sight. That sit command just never got old, and he leaned against the cave entrance with folded arms and a highly amused air.

He did, however, frown, as he heard her claim that she did not belong to anybody. It looked like he'd have to take her off somewhere himself and remind her that she _did_ belong to someone – namely him. He'd forgive her this mistake, however – she _was_ highly irate at the moment, and anyone in that situation was bound to be forgetful, he decided magnanimously.

Eventually, however, the repeated earthquakes from the sits began to grow annoying, and the daiyoukai reluctantly decided to intervene – especially as the hole his brother was in was now so deep that they'd have to find a rope to get him out of it. The whelp had finally learned his lesson at about the three thousand foot level, and stopped trying to assert claims over the girl, staying silent with ears plastered to his head as he waited for another sit.

_Boy is stubborn, I'll give him that, _Sesshoumaru thought as he stepped up and looked down into the hole, almost squinting to catch sight of the small red dot at the bottom that was his brother. Another thousand feet or so, and her threat about meeting his former undead lover in hell would be a simple statement of fact. _You think he would have learned after the first thousand feet. Ah, well, this day has certainly been entertaining._

"Miko, I think you have made your message clear. Desist, before you bring the entire cave system down on us – or had you not noticed the dust and rocks falling around you?"

Kagome, breathing hard and still furious, eyed the big Inu narrowly, then huffed and turned around to stomp out of the cave, muttering the whole while. "Damn dogs need to learn their places – it's the _dogs_ that belong to the _humans_, and _I'm_ the human. So if anything belongs to anyone, it'd be them belonging to me!"

Sesshoumaru almost choked when he heard that, and suddenly losing interest in staring at his brother's newest self-created canyon, he turned and took off after the mouthy miko, intent on teaching her a lesson.

Nobody owned Sesshoumaru, Sesshoumaru owned everybody else. He was top dog, and everything he laid his eyes on belonged to him should he so choose for it to do so.

And she belonged to him.

For the second time that day, Kagome found herself thrown over someones back and being hauled off like nothing so much as a sack of potatoes...

With an evil glint to her eye that Sesshoumaru couldn't, of course, see, she began to think on ways to punish a dog that was being bad, but didn't have subjugation beads.

Unfortunately for Sesshoumaru, she quickly figured something out...

And it would certainly get the Inu's attention.

But that was for later – right now, she would simply enjoy the show... that damn youkai _did_, after all, have a mighty fine ass... and it was practically right-in-her-face.

Yum!

-cCc-

A/N: Look, an update, finally! I apologize for the long wait, but this last few months the funny just hasn't been around. And even now, its morphine-induced funniness, from my trip to the ER last night, so I'm not entirely certain I'd even think it was amusing if I was sober. However, hopefully, you all, the readers, will find something about all these words amusing, and will ignore the slight cliffie I left for ya'll – the next installment will let everyone in on Sesshoumaru's 'punishment', and what it's going to be.

Amber


	19. A Shocking Situation

**A Shocking Situation**

Kagome snickered to herself as she went over different scenarios in her mind on just how to go about getting revenge on the big dog himself. After what he'd done to her the other day, the way he'd carried her off like a big bag of rice, then lectured her on just who belonged to who, she was determined to put him in his place.

She wasn't a chew toy, and _nobody _had ownership papers on _her. _

Since Sesshoumaru did not have a subjugation necklace, _or better yet, a shock collar, _she thought snidely, she would have to come up with something different to punish him.

_He's such a horny dog, that the only real way would be to... _she giggled under her breath, flicking a lightening fast glance at the object of all her planning as she decided on the perfect way to punish him.

And it wouldn't be hard to set up at all, either.

All she needed to do was get home, and she had the perfect thing in her wardrobe to pull it off – once he caught sight of her in that, he'd be a tongue hanging out, tail wagging, drooling ball of fluff and fur... and she'd be the one holding the leash.

Several days later, after a trip through the well, she was ready... all she needed was an evening camp near a hotsprings for privacy, and she'd be good to go!

After dinner that evening, she stood up, and shouldering her bag, she walked over to Sesshoumaru and stood before him, waiting for his acknowledgment.

"Yes, miko?" he asked dryly, almost amused at her rather demanding stance.

"I need to talk to you, Sesshoumaru. I'm going to take my bath, but if you would come to the hotsprings in a little while?"

He eyed her suspiciously, but couldn't see any reason to deny her, so nodded, and with a smile, she turned and walked off, a happy bounce in her step.

_So far, so good!_

Sure enough, she had plenty of time to bathe, and then deck herself out in her sweet little combination innocent/sexy nightie before he showed, striding smoothly into the clearing surrounding the spring.

_And bingo! _she shouted inwardly, thrilled to pieces at his suddenly lascivious expression on seeing what she was wearing. _Gotcha, Sesshoumaru!_

She flushed just slightly as he stared, running his eyes first down, then back up – and then he was on her before she could even take a breath.

She blinked. And then she moaned.

_Damn! I wasn't expecting him to move in that fast! Gotta keep my senses... can't let him make me forget what I'm going to do..._

Unfortunately for her, in all her plans, she hadn't taken into account the effects his kisses and caresses would have on her. It didn't take more than a few seconds before her mind was hazy, and all she was interested in was feeling _more_.

"What is this that you are wearing, miko?" he rasped as he nibbled, kissed, licked, and grazed his way down her neck.

"It's called a flyaway babydoll – it's nightwear from my era," she mumbled in response.

"You will procure more of these, woman, and wear them for me," he growled, while running his claws lightly over her shoulders, and down between her breasts, careful not to damage the delicate cloth.

"Mmhmm," she hummed as her head dropped back and the fog in her brain got so thick visibility was down to two inches – or less.

He chuckled, the sound echoing from deep in his throat as he deftly untied the little bow between her breasts, and nudged the cloth aside with his nose, inhaling her scent madly even as he flicked his tongue against her pale, sweet flesh.

Her knees buckled, and he wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her closer to his inquisitive tongue and heated breath.

Just as Kagome was deciding that she would give up her firstborn to have the daiyoukai keep doing what he was doing to her, a loud slap, and scream of 'hentai!' echoed through the clearing – coming from right behind them under the cover of the trees.

With a startled shriek, Kagome hid behind Sesshoumaru, hastily grabbing her robe and flinging it on right as Miroku stumbled out of the bushes, an irate Sango hefting hiraikotsu behind her following him.

"You damn pervert!" she yelled, red as Kagome had ever seen her. "_Just what do you think you are doing?"_

Everyone froze when Sesshoumaru let out a rumbling growl of epic proportions. "Taijiya, what is the meaning of this interruption?"

Blushing even more, Sango stammered out, "I caught this hentai inviting a bunch of males to watch what he called, 'the show at the hotsprings', and promising great entertainment." She looked down at the ground, unable to even look at the daiyoukai in her embarrassment.

He swung his reddening gaze at the now cowering monk, but before he could say another word, all hell broke loose.

When the dust from the initial explosion settled, the clearing held several extra male bodies... besides Miroku, there was Koga, Inuyasha, and worst of all, a sight that caused Kagome to almost burst into flame, _Hakudoushi._

Inarticulate with rage, Kagome's jaw ground audibly as she glared with lethal effectiveness at Miroku. After taking several long moments to breath in, then out, she finally managed to unlock her jaw enough to talk...

And then she let loose. _"You friggin' lecher!_ It's bad enough you've got those two stupid mutts in on this, but _Hakudoushi_? He may be an evil little bastard, but _HE'S JUST A DAMN KID! _You must be the reason for the first ever law against letting kids view porn!" She snapped a finger towards him, then pointed at Koga and Inuyasha, both of who seemed to understand that it was worth more than their lives to open their mouths.

"Just what did you think you were doing?" Then her gaze shifted to the other two canine males cowering on the ground with disgust, and then looked back at the monk who was now as purple as his robes. "And to invite dumb and dumber here? You've turned me into the original peep show, Miroku! Just what were you getting from them in return?"

Miroku's eyes darted towards the other three males, then back to Kagome, and he paled. "W-well, Kagome-sama, you see, it was like this... we were betting on the outcome of this little tryst," he squeaked out, his voice hitting soprano as Kagome began to glow with purifying power in her rage.

Every male in the vicinity, and especially those with youkai blood, began to squirm, wondering if she was about to purify the whole region – and then, between one second and the next, her power disappeared.

Braving a glance, Miroku shuddered at the horribly evil grin that was now plastered to the girl's face, even as he took in the interested look in Sesshoumaru's eyes at the sudden change.

Kagome smirked wickedly at the abject fear on the guys faces as she sauntered over to her backpack, reached inside and rummaged around for a moment, exclaiming merrily as she apparently found what she was looking for. When she stood and turned back around, everyone's eyes were riveted on what she had in her hands.

"These-" she gestured to the two objects in her hands, "-are called handcuffs, Miroku, Inuyasha, Kouga. They are used on delinquents in my time... or sometimes, for other things." After a pause, she looked at the pale child. "Hakudoushi, you need to go home. And if I ever catch you doing something like this again, I'll purify your little boy parts, and you can be a girl, okay?" She smiled, pleased, at the boy's frantic nod and scramble.

Once he was gone, she turned her gaze back on the three stooges still laying in the dirt. With a wink at Sango, who was just as silent as Sesshoumaru, wanting to see what she was going to dish out, she continued. "Now – you three, stand up and come here. Miroku, hold out both hands." The moment he did, she snapped the handcuffs around both wrists, and then charged the cuffs with her holy power. With a giggle, she beckoned Sango over.

"Sango, I'm turning this pervert over to you." Still pinning a sweating lecher with an iron gaze, she handed the slayer the key to the cuffs. "Do you remember the barrier at Mt. Hakurei, Miroku? How it was hard for you to go in... because of your less than pure mind?" When he nodded, cringing, she laughed. "This is like that, sorta. Only, every time a lecherous thought goes through that tiny mind of yours, you're gonna get zapped. How's that sound?"

At his horrified face, Sango fell over laughing. "Oh, my kami, Kagome! I love you! This is the most awesome day of MY LIFE!"

Kagome chortled along with her friend for a few seconds, enjoying the fear in the monk's eyes. "By the time I'm finished with him, he might just be the holiest, most pure monk since the Buddha himself," she sang out. And then she turned a once again burning gaze on the now terrified and whimpering puppies cowering in front of her.

"Now... for you two. Koga, hold out your right wrist, and Inuyasha, you hold out your left." Once again, the moment that they obeyed, she snapped the second set of cuffs around their wrists, chaining them together, and then let some more of her power leach into the cuffs. "Since you both could normally just break these right off," she said to the two aghast idiots, "my reiki in them will keep you from doing so. The minute you try, you both get zapped. So, please, do feel free to try – I'd love to watch."

Her eyes hardened as the two whined about being tied together like they were, but before she could say anything else, Sesshoumaru walked forward, chuckling. "I could never have come up with something nearly so entertaining, miko. I congratulate you – you are truly frightening." His eyes turned to lay on the monk with interest as a sizzling noise was heard, and Miroku's hair stood on end and his robes smoked as he got shocked by Kagome's reiki. And then slammed by hiraikotsu as extra punishment by a giggling slayer. The monk was stubborn – it would take some time to train him away from his lecherous thoughts... but, oh, how much amusement could be had for the duration!

And then a certain thought occurred to the daiyoukai, and he turned an inquisitive gaze on his miko. "Tell me, Kagome – why did you have those in your bag? Did you plan this?"

He was very tempted to take a step back when she swung a dangerously amused look on him, and laughed huskily. "Oh, no, my _dear_ Sesshoumaru. _You_ should be thanking the idiot brigade here – or that would be _you_ with those cuffs on. I haven't forgotten the other day... and the comments about ownership and restraints." And to the shocked and disbelieving look on his face, Kagome grabbed her bag, and almost skipped from the clearing, headed on her merry way back to camp.

Everyone still in the clearing stared after her, completely stunned.

Kagome was dangerous – much more dangerous than any of them had ever taken her for.

Both Koga and Inuyasha finally looked over at Sesshoumaru as Kagome disappeared, and both, in unison, said, "She's all yours, Sesshoumaru. Good luck training her!"

They all edged out of the clearing as his youki began to rise, and his eyes flashed crimson.

_Make bitch submit! _his beast snarled.

_Indeed, _his rational side agreed. _Make bitch submit. _

His eyes narrowed in thought, and he began plotting.

It was a good thing for Kagome that he and his beast liked a challenge...

-cCc-

A/N: A little longer than most, but... I just couldn't resist getting a leash on Miroku... so much fun!

Amber


	20. A Disturbing Truth Revealed

**A Disturbing Truth Revealed**

Kagome giggled, finally unable to keep it in any longer as she watched Sango torment Miroku. The poor monk didn't stand a chance; by the time Sango was done with him, any lecherous thoughts spinning through his mind would be too dizzy to make any difference, and the once hentai monk would be well on his way to sainthood.

She cast a quick glance over at the other two dumbells in the group – Inuyasha, and Koga. Still cuffed together, they were busy flinging insults and punches with equal facility, and it was obvious that the group would have to stop soon, because one or the other was about to be knocked out, by whoever got in the lucky blow.

_Ah... there we are,_ she thought, snickering to herself. _So Koga bites the dust this time. Score – Koga=2, Inuyasha=5. _She shook her head as she waited for Sesshoumaru to call a halt.

Only, he didn't – he simply ordered Inuyasha to pick the wolf up and carry him.

_And there goes Inuyasha, falling over the edge into apoplexy. Sheesh... this group is something else... never, ever, a dull moment._

With a sigh, Kagome turned and headed to the side of the dusty road and found a nice boulder to perch on, sliding over to make a spot for Sango as she came over, the kids and Jaken trailing along behind.

"You know," Kagome mused in a bored tone, "this would be so much better if we had some sodas and popcorn." She glanced over at Sango with an evil grin, then, and leaned over to nudge her friend with an elbow. "And don't think I don't see what you're doing to Miroku," she whispered.

"What? Me? I'm not doing anything, _honest_!" she swore, an angelic look on her face that wouldn't fool an infant.

"So you're _not_ walking in front of the hentai swaying your hips as much as you can, _knowing_ what that's gonna do to him?" she asked, voice heavy with skepticism.

The taijiya waved her hands at her, flicking a glance over at the monk to make sure he hadn't heard. "Shhh! I don't want him to know! I'm finally getting some revenge for all those months of gropes and pinches and perverted remarks, and I'm not ready to let up yet," she said in a low tone, so that the monk would have no chance of hearing.

Fortunately, Miroku was too busy watching the contretemps with Sesshoumaru, Inuyasha, and now Koga, who'd finally woken back up, to listen to her.

Kagome eyed the lecher with a jaded air, noting his rather frizzy appearance, and had to laugh. "Looks like he's had plenty of hentai thoughts today – I mean, it isn't even just his hair looking fried – even his _robes_ look like he's been electrocuted, an-" at this juncture, Kagome was cut off, as Miroku's handcuffs went off _again_, zapping the hell out of him, and aghast, Kagome and Sango stared at the lecher, eyes wide.

Because the notorious hentai wasn't looking at any women... he was staring at the rather... strange... position that Inuyasha and Koga had ended up in as they fought to get the cuffs off and get at Sesshoumaru.

They really looked like... _No, bad Kagome! Those thoughts are __bad__! _After a moment, though, she shrugged and looked over at a still wide-eyed Sango, and said, "Leave him alone on this one, my dear best friend... because they really _do_ look like..." she trailed off, and Sango blushed, finally looking away from the train wreck in front of them.

"Yeah... they _do_, don't they?" she finally asked, her voice choked.

Miroku spun on his heel to stare at Sango, waiting for hiraikotsu to begin the pounding, and Kagome called out, "This one's a freebie, Miroku – because we _all_ see the same thing."

At that moment, Sesshoumaru just had to put his two yen's worth in.

"I did not know that you... bent... that way, little brother – and you, Koga, as well. Although," he eyed them slowly as their faces turned even redder as they caught his meaning and realized the position they'd gotten themselves into with their fight, "at least Inuyasha is not the bitch in this relationship. This one must take as much consolation as he can find in this embarrassment to our father's blood."

Needless to say, they ended up camping there for the night, because as soon as the two heard that, the fighting renewed in earnest, until even Kagome felt some pity on them and let them out of the cuffs. And as bad as it got, she also let Miroku have a temporary free day, as well, because with Koga and Inuyasha going the way they were, the poor monk would have ended up dead.

And it was hardly fair to punish just him, for echii thoughts they were _all_ having.

Just as they all bedded down for the night, Miroku couldn't hold out any longer and burst...

"I must say, Koga, Inuyasha... you both make a very fine couple!" he said, voice slick and insinuating.

As the camp broke out into laughter once more, the 'couple' in question jumped up and chased the monk out of the camp, fully intent on maiming him...

Kagome snickered as she watched the three disappear into the night. "Heh... maybe we were wrong – maybe it's not a _couple_, but a threesome!" _After all, Koga's denials today __did__ seem rather forced, _she thought idly. Her eyes flicked over to the daiyoukai. _And __then there's..._

Sesshoumaru narrowed his eyes at Kagome when he noted her gaze. "Do not get any wild ideas, miko – this one cares only for females... as I would be _more_ than happy to show you," he purred suggestively.

With a chastened 'eep!', Kagome fell silent as Sango and Shippo laughed, and Rin just looked at them all with a bewildered air before finally shrugging tiny shoulders and curling up to Ah-Uhn to sleep.

But it was apparent that she hadn't forgotten her confusion the next morning when she asked, "Miroku-sama, why did everyone think it so funny last night that you and Inuyasha-sama and Koga-sama are such good friends, and what is a 'threesome'?"

Her question evoked a stunned silence... and then...

"_What"? _came the hysterical scream from a red-clad hanyou – and a black-clad monk, as well.

Kagome was interested to see, however, that no denial of any sort came from _Koga_... and that's when she - and everyone else, incidentally - began to _really_ wonder.

_Did_ Koga bend that way...? Was it possible that his 'pursuit' of Kagome all this time was really hiding a pursuit of _Inuyasha_? As they watched the two, it became apparent that the truth had finally been discovered...

No surprise that it had been Miroku that had finally booted the wolf out of the closet, and onto center stage – nothing of a hentai nature _ever_ made it past him for very long.

Of course, it went without saying that Inuyasha wanted to boot the wolf right back _into_ his closet – and he was _more_ than willing to toss Miroku in there with him.

Lecher or not, Miroku wasn't down with that idea at all... by the time that day was over, the monk was quite willing to admit that _some_ things should be left alone...

And Koga was trussed up like the bitch he apparently was at heart, and left for his followers to find as the group went on its way, herded by a very grossed out Inuyasha who couldn't get away from the wolf fast enough.

He _did_, however, wait long enough for the cuffs to be put back on the monk before making tracks out of there.

No one dared to mention Koga again from that day on – except, of course, Sesshoumaru, when he wanted to rile his brother up.

Miroku learned to dread those times, because anytime the wolf prince – or _princess_, as the case may be - was mentioned, he got pounded by the hanyou, as well as the taijiya.

It took quite a bit, but Miroku finally learned his first anti-hentai lesson...

Sometimes, it's just better – and less painful, incidentally - to keep what you see to yourself.

-oOo-

A/N: Poor Miroku...


	21. The Scheming of the Daiyoukai

**The Scheming of the Daiyoukai**

Sesshoumaru was rather pleased with the way things had gone recently. Not only had one of the pests _supposedly_ seeking Kagome's favor been disposed of, but he now had even more ammunition to throw at his brother.

Everyone had been pretty well caught off-guard when the truth about the wolf prince Koga had come out – all this time, he hadn't really been after Kagome, but Inuyasha, instead. He'd played his part perfectly, the daiyoukai had to admit... until Miroku the lecher had finally caught on and outed the wolf.

It was also highly entertaining to watch Kagome use the situation to get what she wanted. Anyone who knew the little miko was well aware of her propensity for bathing – and of Inuyasha's equal propensity for throwing a fit about her bathing habits. But now, all she had to do was mention Koga, and Inuyasha was instantly looking for the nearest available water source.

The only downside as far as Kagome was concerned, was that she had to wait for her bath... Inuyasha was always the first in the water, scrubbing himself clean as though demented. It was nothing but the truth to say that the hanyou had never been cleaner...

For the scheming daiyoukai, Koga being outed took care of one part of his problems. Now he only had to deal with Inuyasha – if the hanyou would even be bothered, anymore, which was doubtful – and Naraku.

Then, of course, there was Kagome herself... and the little matter of the so-called punishment she had sought to mete out to him.

_Yes, _he mused to himself, _she must be made to pay for her temerity. But how do I wish to go about it?_

He pondered on that thought for several days, days which the monk was _quite_ thankful for, as it kept him from mentioning the wolf to his brother - which kept Inuyasha, and Sango, from pounding on _him _as much.

Kagome, on the other hand, kept a wary eye on her erstwhile suitor, sure that whatever he was up to, wasn't going to make _her_ very happy.

She was right.

What the daiyoukai came up with was absolutely brilliant in its simplicity – and it took care of all those odds and ends still dangling about at the same time... such as Naraku, and the Shikon jewel.

He would admit, later, that the idea was not solely his; one night as he was meditating, he accidentally tapped into the jewel itself – he'd forgotten that he was holding the fragments that the group had.

Turns out that Midoriko was quite awake inside the jewel – and _bored_. She was also _lonely, _and, having gotten a nice view of several of the male youkai fighting over her soul through the years, was more than willing to have one absorbed into herself to sojourn with her... for all eternity.

When Sesshoumaru suggested Naraku, she was quite amenable – she'd have plenty of perversity to work her way through to keep herself occupied through all the endless centuries.

With a rather wicked smirk, Sesshoumaru communed all night long with the immortal soul of the priestess, smoothing out all the little bumps and ridges standing between he and what he wanted.

Sesshoumaru had set his sights on eliminating all his competition – and anything else that could take Kagome's attention away from where it _should_ be...

On him.

_First things first,_ he decided one morning, as he looked around at the obviously tired group of people. "This one has things that need his attention this day. You will all rest here, and I will return before nightfall."

Inuyasha, of course, began to object, but one word was enough to shut him up, and he settled in a tree with a sulky expression to piss and moan the day away. Everyone else looked quite pleased at the idea of a restful day, even Kagome, though she eyed him suspiciously, knowing he was up to something but unwilling to confront him on it.

With everyone settled down, he took to the skies, getting his directions from the spirit of the miko trapped inside the shards of the jewel he still held. By early afternoon, he had gathered all the shards that were left outside of Naraku's hands, and, pleased, he turned to head back to the group after making a small pit stop at Totosai's to get the last little thing he needed for his plan.

Now, he had the hanyou bait... and soon, he would have the hanyou himself.

Then... _then_ he would have the miko – _and_ his revenge, all in one fell swoop. His inner inu was practically salivating at the thought, while his inner tyrant was enjoying the idea of taking the irreverent miko down and making her submit to _his_ rule.

He _really_ should have known better.

The next morning, when Kagome asked what they were going to be doing that day, all he could think while letting them in on the fact that he had gotten the rest of the jewel, and they were simply waiting on the spider to come to them, was that he _really_ couldn't wait to get things done, so he could focus on his Supreme Conquest idea.

Funny enough, that idea had morphed somewhere along the way, from ruling the world, (which he still had every intention of doing,_ after_ he got the miko) to taking over the _miko's_ world and ruling _her_. He figured the rest of the world would fall in line after she did, and then he could quietly, or not so quietly, as the case may be, order things to his liking.

The world according to Sesshoumaru... he hummed to himself, pleased with the sound of that.

At any rate, once they all understood that he had the rest of the jewel, and that all they had to do was wait for Naraku to come to them so they could take the rest of it away and make the spider pay for his crimes, things got lively as everyone put their two yens worth in on how to go about it.

The only one perturbed with the idea of seeing the hanyou again was Kagome... who made sure she had plenty of Febreze handy, practically bathing in the stuff to make sure the spider kept his hands, (and tentacles) to himself.

That action pleased Sesshoumaru, who had no desire to be forced to tolerate the stench of insect on his future mate. Just the thought was disgusting – he shuddered slightly, and firmly dragged his mind to another topic.

His hand began to fiddle absently with the object he had gotten from Totosai, and a pleased light flashed through his eyes. He was very glad he'd listened in to the conversations between the slayer and the little miko he was currently stalking – his snooping had garnered him some interesting information on the courting and mating habits of said humans.

_Such a small thing to show ownership of a person,_ he thought, _this... ring, as she __called it. And with what I'm going to do with it, she will never be able to get away from me. _

While he was busy gloating and practically patting himself on the back over his perceived cleverness, Kagome was eyeing him with a rather militant air, certain that he was plotting – and that his plotting would lead to no good for her. And since she had no way of knowing just what he was up to, all she could do was look at everything he did with suspicion.

It didn't take long for the two to have everyone in camp wondering what the hell was going on as the miko and dai eyed each other, and wishing that they could all be somewhere else. Unfortunately, if they did turn tail and run, they'd miss out on all the fun of defeating Naraku – so despite their unease, they all toughed it out, hoping that there wouldn't be any explosions until _after, _when they actually could turn and run like chickens.

It was into this uneasy atmosphere that the deviant spider finally alighted, having been drawn by the rest of the jewel being in one place - just like Midoriko had told Sesshoumaru he would be.

Sesshoumaru had magnanimously decided to let the others in the group battle the lowly hanyou for a while, just to get their licks in before he finished things, and stood back, letting his brother, the slayer, and the monk go at the kumo for a while. Kagome even shot a few arrows his way, which, disgustingly, seemed to really turn Naraku on, as every time she did it, he leered at her.

But he didn't let her get too close to him after he caught the scent she was drenched in, and after the camp had been thoroughly destroyed, and the group had gotten enough hits on him, Sesshoumaru stepped forward and held up his hand while raising his youki, making everyone stop and take a step back to stare at him.

Pulling the large chunk of the jewel that he had from his sleeve, he held it out to Kagome. "Come, miko, and purify this portion of the jewel." Without even thinking about it, Kagome complied, handing it back as soon as she was done.

The daiyoukai stared at the purified jewel with a pleased look on his face, then turned his eyes on Naraku. Holding up the jewel for everyone to see, he said, "I have more than half of the Shikon in my hands. Now that Midoriko's power is at its peak within the jewel thanks to Kagome purifying the taint from it, she can finally have her hearts desire."

At his words, everything stopped, and Naraku eyed the daiyoukai suspiciously. "And what is it that dusty old miko wants?" He looked extremely wary – and well he should.

Sesshoumaru smirked, a wicked, condescending smirk that had everyone shuddering. "I am particularly pleased that you asked that. She wants company, Naraku – the low level demons she has been stuck with all these centuries do not count. And she has set her sights on having _your_ company, specifically. I would hate to have to disappoint her."

Everyone looked at him incredulously, and he frowned thoughtfully. "I cannot say I understand her desire for you – but to each his own, I suppose," he shrugged. Raising his hand, he held out the now glowing portion of tama that he had...

And the group was treated to the sight of a now terrified Naraku being dragged over to Sesshoumaru's portion by his own. As the pieces of the jewel came together, the form of Midoriko phased into sight, and smiled dangerously at the now cowering spider hanyou.

"Naraku," Sesshoumaru purred, "meet Midoriko. Midoriko, meet Naraku."

The entire clearing was silent with fascination as the spider stared at the ancient but beautiful miko with dread. Most there wanted to break out in laughter at the faces the hanyou was making as he started trying to get away, but Midoriko had a hold on him and wasn't letting go for anything.

Suddenly, a breeze moved through, bringing Kagome's scent to her, and she turned, a look of sheer enjoyment on her face even as Naraku started heaving. "What is that pleasant smell, young miko?" she asked, brow rising as Kagome grinned evilly.

"Well, this is called Febreze. It's an air freshener, and there are many different scents. I have quite a few cans of it, if you'd like some," she offered, her rather malicious grin widening as Naraku's face paled.

The older miko nodded happily. "I would enjoy such a thing immensely, I must say – the air inside the tama has gotten fairly stale lately, and could use some freshening," grinning herself as she took note of Naraku's reaction to the stuff.

Kagome promptly went over to her bag, and grabbed every last can she still had, carrying them over to Midoriko in a plastic bag she had in her backpack. "There you go," she said cheerfully. "That's the lot of them – they should last you quite a while!"

Snickers were breaking out around the clearing as the rest of the group caught on to Naraku's plight, and every person there, including Sesshoumaru, watched avidly as the ancient miko formed what could only be called a collar and leash of reiki around the spider's neck and tugged it.

"Come along, then, pet, let's get going. There's plenty of spring cleaning to be done at home, and now that I have you to help, it'll go even faster." With a smile and a slight bow in Sesshoumaru's direction, the miko, followed by the dejected form of Naraku, disappeared in a burst of light, and as quickly as that, the whole quest was ended.

"Well," said Kagome, "that was kinda... anticlimactic. After all these years..." she trailed off as everyone else nodded in agreement, still all a bit stunned at the suddenness of the end.

Sesshoumaru, on the other hand, was looking very pleased with himself as he held the completed and purified Shikon jewel in his fingers. Kagome noticed first, and her hackles immediately rose – whatever he was so pleased about probably didn't bode well for her.

She wasn't expecting for him to pull a beautiful silver band from his sleeve, and press the tama to it. As the group all watched, fascinated, the tama began to merge with the ring, slowly sinking into the band until the band itself was a silvery pink – with no discernible aura to tell a person that the jewel was near.

With a frown, Kagome made her way over to the daiyoukai, eyes fixed firmly on what he held in his hand. "What did you do, Sesshoumaru?"

The big inu turned his head to look down at her, wiping all expression from his face as he did so – it would not do for her to figure out what he was up to until it was too late, after all. He could hold his amusement for a few more moments.

"You may consider this a bow to your human customs, onna. I had this ring made to place on your hand signifying your status as my intended – an... engagement, as I've heard you call it." He quirked a brow at her sudden blush. "And it serves as well as a place to keep the jewel – no one will be able to feel its presence, thus keeping it safe."

Flushing, a pleased and shy expression on her little face, she held out her left hand, waiting for him to put it on her – completely forgetting her earlier suspicions of his machinations.

She was about to be reminded...

As soon as he placed the ring on her finger, she felt it tighten down, adjusting itself to fit snugly. She was a bit surprised to find that it was warm on her finger, and as she watched, the pink color brightened a bit, flaring as her purity enfolded it.

She was just about to smile up at him and thank him, when she took note of the devious and amused expression on his face, and her smile faltered as her eyes narrowed dangerously. "Somehow, I get the feeling that this ring has an entirely different purpose than the one you just gave me, Sesshoumaru. Just what have you done?" she gritted, temper heating.

He didn't answer, a knowing smirk crossing his face as her own visage tightened with temper, and just as she was about to step forward to get closer to him, he said, "Heel, miko."

And just like that, she found herself frozen in place, unable to move even as her temper exploded.

Everyone in camp stared, stunned at the sight of Kagome being subdued... and then Inuyasha burst into hysterical laughter.

Apparently, however, her _mouth_ wasn't subdued, and faster than the hanyou could blink, he found himself _also_ subdued, spitting dirt and rocks from his mouth as he grumbled his irritation.

Meanwhile, Kagome was glaring at the daiyoukai she'd recently been thinking such nice thoughts about, and decided to take all the nice thoughts back, replacing them with _bad _thoughts ranging from his dubious parentage to his sexual orientation and prowess, as well.

_Thinks he's won, does he? Well, I'll show him!_

The moment the spell began to wear off, she stepped close to him, angry amusement in her eyes at his self-satisfied expression, and whispered, "As long as this ring contains a subduing command, _you_ will remain celibate, Sesshoumaru, understand? With that, she whirled around and stalked off, muttering obscenities all the way... leaving the rest of the tachi to wonder just what she'd said to the daiyoukai to get such a horrified expression out of the normally stoic male.

If they'd only known...

-oOo-

A/N: Well... that was a long one. I couldn't resist the ending of this chapter after my daughter reminded me of a joke that went along those same lines. Guy comes in to his new wife all cocky and hands her a pair of his pants and tells her to put them on. She says she can't fit them, and he says she should remember that because he wears the pants in the family. She hands him her panties to put on, and he says 'I can't get into those' – and she tells him that as long as he has _that _attitude, he never will, either.

I love that joke.

Amber


	22. Who's the Boss?

**Who's the Boss?**

Kagome was scheming.

Kagome was also fuming while she schemed.

Naraku had finally been defeated, the jewel gathered, made whole, purified, and hidden – in plain sight. All that was wonderful, and not why Kagome was pissed.

No... what she was pissed about was the ring that Sesshoumaru had put on her finger, the sneaky bastard,

It was a subduing ring – and he was going to find out why trying to subdue the female you wished to mate was _not_ a good idea.

First and foremost, mating included... well, mating, which meant straight up sex. Now, as every woman knows, most men were slutpuppies, and sex was always the best threat to hold over a male who was misbehaving.

Now, Sesshoumaru was stubborn, and was trying to outlast the equally stubborn miko, thus forcing her to submit to his rule. There was a way to make her submit to him – but this certainly wasn't it, and he hadn't figured that out yet.

So... their courtship was at a standstill, while both tried to outdo the other on willpower.

Kagome, however, got the last word in on the subject, giving the daiyoukai something to think about as she hopped in the well to go home.

"You can't win this one, Sesshoumaru – I can outlast you easily," she grinned, and he narrowed his eyes at her.

"And how do you know this, miko?" he asked silkily.

Her grin widened and turned a robust shade of evil, and she said, "Because I'm a virgin, and you're not – so you know what you are missing – and I don't. So I don't really have any reason to give in, now do I?" and with a playful twinkle in her eye, she cheerily said goodbye, and disappeared down the well, leaving Sesshoumaru with a shocked, dismayed expression as he considered her words.

And for the first time in polite company (that _is_ a subjective phrase) Sesshoumaru cursed.

"Well, shit," he growled, as he realized she was right – he was getting very antsy already – and she didn't really care, since she didn't know what she was missing.

Meanwhile, while the dai was wondering what he'd gotten himself into as he ignored the snickers from the rest of the group, and his brothers guffaws, Kagome was further plotting on her side of the well.

Sesshoumaru really should have questioned Kagome's knowledge base before he took the route he had, because Kagome was about to level the playing field, and there would be nothing he could do about it.

On the other side of time, older Kagome watched her past self climb from the well with a militant air, and started laughing, even as her mate – in his doggy form – growled with his fur fluffing up.

"Oh, stop it, Sesshoumaru – you know you like what I do with that collar since I changed the subduing command on it," she giggled.

He snarled at her a little. _'It is unnatural, woman. A female was not meant to rule a __male! _His eyes flickered, and then went heavy-lidded as he thought about some of the times she had 'subdued' him, and he finished with, _'Although... this one must admit – you __are very__ creative with its use.'_

She chuckled as _she _thought about some of the times she'd subdued him, and nodded, agreeing. There was no telling, however, if her focus on those times, were the same as _his_ focus... because, as a male, his thoughts were all perverted... and Kagome's – _might_ have been, or might _not_ have been, and she wasn't telling.

At any rate, past Kagome had stomped up the stairs to her room, shut her door with a bang, and proceeded to get dressed into something comfortable, with comfortable shoes – she had some shopping to do.

By the time that day was over, Kagome was in her room once more, and bent over her desk with a decidedly Dr. Frankenstein type expression on her face – or maybe it was an evil Igor look, but who cares. It was simply a look that would have had Sesshoumaru running the other direction if he'd seen it.

All night long she worked, making sure that it was absolutely perfect, and once she'd gotten it to look the way she wanted, she began the other part of it... the spellwork. That took only a short time, however, and once she was finally finished, she smiled widely, pleased – then stood up and stretched what felt like an Igor hump on her back, and yawned, before sliding into her bed, and falling asleep to dreams of Sesshoumaru on his knees before her...

Where all good men belonged.

Being deliberately defiant of Sesshoumaru's will, because he had told her she only had two days at home before he wanted her back, she wallowed on her side of time just being lazy, waiting for a reluctant Inuyasha to show up to deliver his brother's threats, wondering what kind of threats he would come up with.

Sure enough, on the fourth day, Inuyasha showed up, ranting and raving about having to deal with a homicidal daiyoukai because she was being stubborn.

"Inuyasha – Sesshoumaru's _always _been homicidal, so whats so different now?" she asked, and he stopped talking for a moment as he considered that. After a few minutes of thinking about it, he finally shrugged and admitted she was right, and got around to delivering the threat.

"The fluffy bastard says that if you don't come back with me, he is going to send you on a little vacation – in the tama, so you can visit with Naraku."

Kagome pondered that for a moment, and then smiled. Inuyasha shrank back – it was a creepy smile. "Tell him if he does, then I will simply stay here, and seal the well – and then he'll have to wait five hundred years to get down my pants-" she glanced down at her skirt, "-or up my skirt, as the case may be."

Eyes wide, Inuyasha cringed at the thought of delivering _that_ message.

Kagome pointed at her window. "Go, Inuyasha. I'll come back when I'm good and ready."

And just to make it worthwhile for the poor hanyou, who was liable to get pounded by the aforementioned homicidal dai, she showed him her creation, told him what it was for, and swore him to secrecy.

Inuyasha was convulsed with laughter as he literally fell out of her window, rolled across the courtyard, and tumbled into the well, laughing hysterically all the way.

He was still laughing as he reached the other side – and he _kept_ laughing as his brother pounded on him. He considered that even the beating was worth what Kagome was about to do to Sesshoumaru.

Paybacks were a bitch, he ruminated, even as his brother's heavy fist collided with his head, and Kagome was the head bitch of paybacks.

He was glad he'd finally given up on taking the girl for himself – let his brother deal with the sadistic female. Watching those two would provide an eternity of amusement for him.

He sighed happily even as he finally passed out – life was _good._

Three days later, a cheerful, well-rested Kagome landed at the bottom of the well, and climbed out, whistling happily. When she reached the top of the well, she blinked, surprised. The well clearing looked like an atomic bomb had gone off in it.

_I'm pretty sure they didn't have access to atomic bombs in this time period, _she thought, and then she caught sight of a very visibly ruffled Sesshoumaru. Even his pelt was bristling – and watching the daiyoukai's hair standing on end was something Kagome would _never_ forget.

"Wow," she said blankly, even as his eyes narrowed and reddened. "You look like you stuck your finger in an electrical socket. Even your clothes are smoking." She took note as she said that, that she could hear _two_ distinct growls – one from Sesshoumaru – and one from mokomoko.

Startled, she frowned, and a certain wariness entered her expression. She hadn't realized the pelt could growl, too. That was way more scary than just Sesshoumaru – because she'd never seen a mouth or eyes on that long piece of soft, furry stuff.

Stalking forward with a stiff-legged gait such as a dog used to intimidate, Sesshoumaru cornered the disobedient little miko and subdued her, then read her the riot act. (He actually did read it to her, too – he'd had three days to write everything he wanted to say down on a scroll – he didn't want to forget any of the really good, bossy things he wanted to say.)

Kagome just blinked at him, not really paying any attention – she was too busy imagining what was going to happen when she finally got her revenge – the Ultimate Revenge. Sesshoumaru would never again try to Lord it over her by the time she was done – she'd have him very well trained to be a good little puppy.

Sesshoumaru eyed the miko warily, his fur standing even more on end as he took in her expression, and he just knew she was up to something.

"Woman, what mischief are you planning now?" he demanded.

Her expression cleared at his question, and she smiled up at him innocently. "Nothing. I was just remembering something," she said, and he took the bait - just like she hoped.

"Remembering what?" he asked suspiciously, even as his sash began to smoke from the heat of its wearers temper.

Kagome eyed his clothing with both brows hiding in her bangs.

"Oh, that night that the lecher and the stooges and Hakudoushi interrupted us at that hot spring. I was really enjoying myself – and then they ruined it," she pouted.

Still suspicious, but her words stroking his ego, he unbent a little. "You did?" he asked, hoping this was going where he wanted it to go. Perhaps the little miko was finally losing patience with the 'no mating until this subduing command comes off' part of things. If she was, he would win.

Maybe he should play along, and give her another taste, just to remind her, and entice her all that much more?

"I would be most willing to give you a second taste, little miko," he purred. "You only have need to say the words."

Inwardly, Kagome was giggling, pleased that things were going just as she wanted. It wouldn't be a few more minutes, and her little power-play would be all done... and Sesshoumaru would be in the palm of her hands.

"Sounds good," she purred back as he took her in his arms and started kissing her. Once again, Kagome had to fight with everything she had to keep her mind on track. Because wow, this male could blow her mind with just a touch – if only he would just figure out that the way to get her was with pleasure, and not commands.

As the saying goes, you catch more bees with honey...

But until he finally got a clue, she was going to keep spiking every attempt to dominate her. She was completely aware that this little contest wouldn't chase Sesshoumaru away – it would only make him want her more – which was good with her. This whole thing worked well for her – he chased her harder, and only became more determined to make her his, all the while learning to be a good puppy.

She'd have him housebroke yet – or _else._

Sesshoumaru was really getting into things – the miko had always had a rather detrimental effect on his libido – at least, it would be considered detrimental when he would get hard at just a smile, or a whiff of her scent, or even more when she'd yell "Osuwari!" at his stupid brother.

Yes, violence excited him – he _was _a youkai, after all.

At any rate, as the brain in his head shut down as all the blood in his body headed south to inflate his _other_ head, he got into just exactly the state Kagome needed him in – and with a wicked internal laugh, she slipped out the thing she'd worked so hard on for one whole night.

Holding it hidden in her hand, Kagome allowed him a few more seconds of loving (as she was really enjoying herself, and was becoming reluctant to stop) before forcing herself to finish the game she was determined to win.

With his attention on her, she struck quickly, chanting the spell faster than she'd ever done anything before as he was finally realizing something was wrong and pulled himself away from her neck where he'd been so happily grazing.

But it was too late, as with a flash of light, something wrapped itself around his neck, and then Kagome called out the key phrase, and the spell was set – and Sesshoumaru's eyes widened in horror as he got the full taste of what she had done.

She fell over laughing at the horrified look on his face.

"Miko," he gritted out, enraged, "what have you done!"

She straightened, and then shrugged. "Oh... just given you a rather unique subduing collar. Anytime you start to get a hard on – your collar will go off, and deflate it. Until you take off that spell on my ring, your dick will remain limp. Oh... and just a tip – being bossy, overbearing, and demanding isn't the way to get me to submit. The faster you figure it out, the faster we can get on with the mating."

And with that, she sashayed her way out of the clearing, leaving a wide-eyed Sesshoumaru behind to deal with his new case of enforced impotence.

_That woman is evil!_ he ranted to himself.

But the thought didn't disturb him – it only made him more determined to have her – just as she'd known it would.

Not that he wasn't furious at the present moment as the shock wore off.

The roar that came from the frustrated inu emptied Inuyasha's forest of every living creature – and had a badly beaten Inuyasha screaming with laughter – even as his enraged brother just appeared out of nowhere and began to beat him again.

Inuyasha took the beating cheerfully – as far as he was concerned, what Kagome had done to his asshole brother was absolutely worth every bit of pain.

This was a day he would never, ever forget – even in his _next_ life.

-oOo-

A/N: I would like to thank Inuyashalovrr (I think that's how she spells it, if not, I'm sorry!) for nominating Accidentally Funny, and If You Fly Away Tonight at the Feudal Association this term! I was excited to see those noms - it's always cool when someone likes your stuff enough to think it deserves recognition.

Anyway, I hope you all enjoy this twisted tale of two stubborn people fighting it out - and how Sesshoumaru finally learns the best way to catch a Kagome.

Amber


	23. Sesshoumaru Learns a Lesson

**Sesshoumaru Learns a Lesson**

Kagome sighed a bit morosely, and watched, chin in hand, as Sesshoumaru once more pounded on his brother.

Ever since she'd managed to get that subduing collar on the daiyoukai, things had been stuck at an impasse – and Inuyasha was bearing the brunt of a very angered inu Lord's sexual frustration by getting beat anytime his brother's collar deflated his arousal.

Which was frequently.

She had been completely shocked as the days had gone by and it had become more and more apparent just how much of a hentai the inuyoukai was – it seemed that the collar was going off several times a day. That fact made her re-think certain things... like mating the guy. After all, she was a mere 'weak' human, and was very unsure she would be able to keep up with his obviously overactive libido.

_This must be where the term 'horndog' came from. Maybe inuyoukai aren't as extinct in my time as I thought..._

Finally, when it looked like Inuyasha was about to get intimately acquainted with the term 'boneless', Kagome intervened.

"Sesshoumaru, if you know what's good for you, you'll stop taking the consequences of your stubbornness out on your brother," she warned, eyes narrowed.

She didn't flinch at all when reddened eyes turned on her, and a deafening snarl ripped through the area, simply meeting his gaze with a rather bored one of her own.

"Look, this is all your own fault. If you wanted a little bitch to run around falling all over herself to obey your every whim, then you shouldn't have chosen me. I'm not like these crazy, timid women in this era, and anyone with any sense knows that. So if you can't handle that, then maybe you need to take this ring back completely, and go find yourself someone more appropriate, because you sure as hell don't seem to be able to figure out how to get me to submit," she finished, a hint of irritation in her voice.

Sesshoumaru's attention was arrested at her words, and for the first time since she'd stuck him with those blasted beads, he actually took in what she was saying.

_Figure out how to get her to submit? There is a trick to this, then? Hnn.. _he opened his hand and let his brother's now limp body fall to the ground as he stared at her thoughtfully. "There is a specific... _way_, to make you submit?" he asked, eyeing her suspiciously.

"Well," she said dubiously as she thought about that word, "perhaps _submit_ is a little strong. But there's certainly a way to get me to go along with you, and this-" she gestured at the ring sitting so innocently on her hand pointedly, "-is _certainly_ not it. It's really not hard, Sesshoumaru," she snickered at that double entendre, "if ordering me around isn't the way to get what you want, what's left?" With that, she turned and sauntered off, heading for Kaede's hut, leaving a deep in thought daiyoukai behind – and a deeply unconscious Inuyasha, as well.

Sesshoumaru kicked his brother absently once more as he wandered off. _I wonder if father ever encountered such a problem with a female... _and then he considered that, and shook his head. _No, there's no way. Izayoi was just as submissive as any youkai female. She knew her place._

_So why did I have to choose the one female guaranteed to cause me nothing but trouble?_

And then he sighed. _Because I would not be able to stand being stuck with a female that was little more interesting than a tatami mat – with a personality just as boring._

Shuddering at that thought, he turned his mind back to figuring out just what his little miko was trying to tell him.

~oOo~

Several days passed in that manner; Kagome watching with a gleeful smirk, Inuyasha cringing anytime his brother so much as breathed in his direction, and Sesshoumaru himself deep in thought – and occasionally absently punching his brother. Or clawing him.

Everyone else simply watched with interest to see if the Inuyoukai would figure the whole thing out.

Then one day, the group woke, and Sesshoumaru was gone – though Rin, and Jaken and Ah-Uhn were still there, no one knew where the Inu had gone – or when he would be returning.

"Feh, maybe he won't come back," Inuyasha said, disgruntled – after all, he was still pretty black and blue from his brother's remorseless beatings. "But that would make me _happy_, so of course it won't happen," he finished disgustedly.

"Shut it, Inuyasha," Kagome said, her voice bored as she sat in front of Kaede's with her chin in her hand again. "We don't want to hear your whining."

He looked over at her grumpily. "You don't seem all that worried that he won't come back."

"Of course I'm not. I'm the one thing Sesshoumaru could never turn away from – a challenge."

Miroku nodded wisely, framing his chin with one hand, he began to pontificate. "Indeed. The Western Lord is one who will never back away from a challenge. There's this, as well," he said, "Sesshoumaru-sama would never allow a _female_ to best him in any sort of battle. Even if it takes centuries, he'll always have the last word."

Kagome thought about that for a while, and then nodded. "I suppose you're right. But I'm not the sort to back down, either, so I guess I'd better get used to fighting." She sighed at the thought. "You know... maybe I'd have been better off marrying Inuyasha. At least that way, if he got too far out of hand, I could just sit him. He'd be easier to deal with... in some ways," she said, a heavy irony in her voice as she flicked a glance at him.

"Keh! I ain't no weakling to back down to you, wench! We always fight, too!"

Before he could say anything more, Sesshoumaru strode into the middle of the group, knocking the ill-tempered hanyou over the head as he strolled by, heading for Kagome.

"You have been whipped for years, Inuyasha, and everyone knows it. Perhaps the miko should give the power of your kotodama over to Koga? I am sure he could find a use for it," he said suggestively.

Everyone watched in glee as the half-inu took off towards the river with a disgusted shriek. "I'll find a way to get you for that, bastard!"

After a moment, Sesshoumaru turned back to look at Kagome. "As for you," he said calmly, "I will make sure to punish you for that comment at a later date. You will not be mating anyone but myself, miko, despite your combative nature."

Sputtering, Kagome narrowed her eyes at the daiyoukai, but before she could come up with something to say to that outrageous threat, she found herself commandeered by the perverted dog, and being hustled off into the woods. With one, final fulminating glare, she subsided, beginning to be curious about where he was taking her – and for what purpose.

Once they reached a spot that was out of the view of the group left behind, Sesshoumaru pulled Kagome into his side, and then folded them into his light orb. Before she could even inhale, they were landing, and a startled Kagome was staring at the piece of land he had gifted her – with one major difference.

There was a house in one corner of the meadow... the same corner that the previous owners had been attempting to build their palace.

She blinked, and then looked up at him. "Since that area was already torn up, I decided to have the house built there, so that it would not damage any more of the area," he said, apparently understanding her glance.

"Oh," she said blankly. "But... what's with the house, anyway? Don't you have a palace somewhere?"

He cocked a brow at her. "Of course. But this is a place strictly for us to come to get away from the stresses of life in a palace – not to mention the stresses of putting up with the hanyou."

She shot him a warning look, and then subsided, too curious to really heckle him about always dogging (pun intended) on his brother.

"So can I see the inside?" she asked, an excited look on her face.

Tightening his hold on her, he shook his head. "No, of course not. I did not bring you here to see the inside, only to stare at the outside," he said, sarcasm coating his normal dulcet tones.

Shooting him a dirty look this time, she pried herself out of his rather tight grasp, and headed for the house, intent on exploring.

_Though_, she thought, _ I hope he doesn't think buying me expensive things, or building me houses is the way to get me to do what he wants._

"Say, Sesshoumaru?" she asked, as she stepped onto the covered porch and slid open the door. "How did you get this done so fast? I mean, you just disappeared this morning."

"I ordered work to begin some time ago," he said as he followed her, a smirk on his face that she didn't see. "It was finished yesterday, so this morning, I came to make sure the work was done to my standards."

"Oh, I see," she said as she looked around the main room of the house with a smile. It as obvious that the work was top of the line – in fact, she didn't know they had such fine techniques available in the Sengoku Jidai. _Must be a demon thing._

Nodding absently to herself as she wandered down the hallway of the home, she checked into each room, taking note of furnishings and everything else with a discerning eye.

What she was seeing didn't disappoint her at all – it was a beautiful home. But it was just that – a house, and it wasn't the way to gain her cooperation. Finally, she turned into the last room...

… and came to a screeching halt. _Damn it! _she thought, almost irate. _He's definitely getting warmer. Or hotter._

She hated to admit it, but... before her, was a large, gorgeous room, with a huge futon, several armoires and chests, huge, fluffy pillows...

And a huge, steaming hot...

Bath.

Squealing, unable to resist, she slid the door shut in Sesshoumaru's face and stripped, heading straight for the inviting, steaming, _glorious_ hot water.

_He's figured me out, _she whined to herself, even as she sighed and moaned in pleasure as the heat of the water soaked into her body. Slinking down in the tub, she let the hot water unwind her, and then looked at the wooden surround, taking note of the bathing accoutrements. Top of the line in this day and age, and she knew it, and with a final, very slightly disgruntled sigh, she gave up her irritation that he'd found her weakness, and began bathing quite happily.

_Still... this isn't all I'll be requiring. I won't put up with him ordering me around like a servant. He still has to take the spell off this ring, _she thought stubbornly.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the shoji door, Sesshoumaru was grinning... an expression that usually meant death, but this time, merely meant victory.

_I'll have this blasted collar off by this afternoon, no later, _he thought, satisfied. _As long as I keep hot water available, she won't bother arguing with me about much. _And then he frowned just slightly. _Though I'll have to take that subduing command off the ring, which is annoying, I'll still be able to get her to agree with most anything with the promise of a nice, hot bath. _

_And perhaps she'll even let me join her. _A lecherous expression settled on his face, and he sat against the wall there in the hall, lost in naughty imaginings of just what he could do to her with all that hot water, striving mightily to not let it get to the point that the collar went off again.

About forty minutes after going in, Kagome slid the shoji open, eyeing the calm figure of Sesshoumaru with a satisfied smile. "Well, that certainly hit the spot," she said, not missing the fact that he was taking in how she looked in the summer kimono he'd had made after seeing the one she wore at home in her era when she'd worn it through the well. There was a closet full of different kimono – winter ones, summer ones, even a few semi-formal ones, for if they had company.

"As much as I enjoyed that, though... I'm still not going to take the collar off until you take the spell off the ring," she said firmly. She was surprised when he nodded.

"Heel, miko," he said, and it took Kagome a moment to realize that she hadn't been forced to freeze when he'd said it.

She smiled widely, though there was an edge to it. "Very good, Sesshoumaru," she cooed. "And as promised, I'll now take the collar off." She chanted a quick command, and the collar disappeared from around the daiyoukai's neck, reforming in her hand. "But," she said, eyeing him suspiciously, "I'm not going to destroy it. I'll be keeping it, just in case you think of trying to trick me now that it's off."

Blinking, she suddenly felt a bit uneasy at the expression on his face, and stepped back, watching him uncertainly. For in the moment that the collar had come off, a certain perverted, hentai expression had settled on his face, (she was quite accustomed to those looks, having traveled with Miroku for several years), and she was now very wary.

"Umm, Sesshoumaru," she began, stepping back again as he stood and started looming over her, "w-what are you doing?"

He looked down at his groin pointedly, and her eyes followed his automatically – until she took in what he was looking at, and then she turned beet red. "Hentai!" she squeaked, blushing fiercely and averting her eyes.

Caging her body with his arms against the wall she was now pressed up against, he bent his head to nuzzle her neck, and grinned. "And why not, Kagome? You are to be my mate, we are in the house I built for us to get away from it all, that blasted collar is off... and you smell quite intoxicating. I thought you had enjoyed our private moments, miko," he purred.

Kagome whimpered at his voice, and his words, and then the next thing she knew, she was flat on her back in the middle of the brand new futon, surrounded by pillows and silver hair, and lots of hot, hot male.

It was a good thing she was not privy to the massive amount of gloating that was going on inside the head of that hot, hot, silver-haired male.

"And now, for your punishment, miko," he said silkily, even as he started to remove her kimono.

_Punishment? _she wondered for a moment, her mind too hazy to bring up the reference. After a moment, she just gave up, and let the determined inu do anything he damn well pleased.

___One for me, and none for her. Game, set, and match, as she would say._


	24. Never Trust an Inu With Your Virtue

**Never Trust an Inu with Your Virtue**

Kagome resurfaced from her Sesshoumaru-induced haze a few minutes later as she felt his fangs start dragging over her neck.

That's when she took in the fact that the horny inu had gotten not only her undressed, but himself, too. And that particular moment was when four-alarm fire bells started going off in her head.

She grabbed at his silver hair and yanked his head up to stare into his obviously displeased eyes. "Woah, woah, woah. What the hell are you doing?"

"What does it look like I am doing, miko?" he asked, disgruntled. "Let us recap. You are naked," he leered down at her, "and I am naked. I am atop you, kissing and licking you. Now, consider the clues, and then you will have answered your own question."

Her eyes narrowed and she gave him a flat look. "Very funny, Sesshoumaru," she snapped. "My point in questioning you was I want to know _why _you are doing this."

He sighed, then, obviously exasperated. "Miko, please do try not to disillusion me. I was under the impression that you were rather intelligent – for a female. You are my mate to be, we are in bed together, nude, and I am attempting to mate with you. Did you think that you would remain my 'mate-to-be' _forever_?"

Her eyes got big, and she attempted to slither out from under the rather domineering inu still pressing himself to her. That was when she took note of a certain very large body part that was burning against her thigh, and her eyes went wide in shock.

"N-now? Why _now_?" she squeaked, alarmed. "I think we need to reconsider this whole thing, Sesshoumaru. There's no way _that_ will fit where you're wanting to put it!" And then she glared up at him as the other part of his previous statement kicked in. "Wait a minute... what do you _mean_ 'for a female'?"

For the first time in as long as he could remember, the high-born inu rolled his eyes in front of another being. "Stop yapping, Kagome," he snapped, before lowering his head to her neck once more.

Kagome's eyes widened in horror, her virgin sensibilities offended. "You built this house to trick me into taking those beads off so you could seduce me!" she gasped.

"Hn," he said, his voice muffled in her flesh as he grazed on her delicate skin. "I did. Is it working?"

With a barely stifled moan, Kagome tried to deny it, but her inner prude was definitely weakening, and the other end of the spectrum, the hussy, was beginning to take control. Her hormones began dancing the can-can as he moved past her neck, and she swallowed hard, falling a little deeper into his pit of salacious behavior with every inch he moved downward.

"Uhh, umm," she said weakly, "I still don't t-think this is g-going to work."

"Let me assure you, miko, it will. Now, if you are done discussing the matter?" he asked pointedly, and she gulped, weakening even further as a tightly budded nipple suddenly found itself engulfed in wet heat.

"Ohhh," she moaned. "B-but..." she tried one more time, but, apparently sensing that he was winning, the inu atop her didn't even bother answering her, instead simply suckling the tantalizing bit of flesh he'd finally managed to get a taste of again.

"Mmm," he sighed, growling a little as he pulled away just a tad and blew on said tantalizing flesh. "Delicious... just as I knew you would be. If you have any further complaints, little onna, please defer them until _after_ I have partaken of the main course." And with that, he moved across to the other nipple, smirking at the shiver and gasp he coaxed from her at that. He wasn't even sure she'd heard his last words...

Not that it would matter, because now he had the perfect way to shut her up. She sounded so much better when she was making noises rather than speaking, and he made a mental note to have a long discussion with her mother at some point in time about having taught her to talk.

And then he pushed everything else aside, and continued feasting, – after all, he was an extremely hungry inu, and laid out before him was a perfect inu-centric meal.

Gasping, choking, and just having general problems with breathing, Kagome's eyes were so wide that the whites were showing all around, and it didn't seem as if they were going to go back to normal any time soon. Just as she thought she was going to get the chance to catch a breath, (and a brainwave), the inu shoved her thighs apart and settled down to eat her as though she were a miko buffet.

"Eep!" Stunned out of her stupor of a few moments prior, she tried to close her legs, but the daiyoukai between them simply ignored her attempt, running his longer than average and slightly rough tongue up and down certain areas she was sure hadn't ever been on any menu in any restaurant _anywhere_ in the world.

But with as good as it felt, suddenly, she found that she didn't care – let him stay there and feast all he wanted. After all, who was she to deny a person their pleasure, as long as it wasn't harming anyone? And if this _was_ considered harm, as her inner prude was trying to convince her it was, then all she could wish was that all harmful things felt that damn good!

With an oddly erotic relishing sound, the daiyoukai plunged his tongue even deeper, and Kagome decided that this type of perversion was most pleasurable – and welcome. Blushing, but not embarrassed enough to demand he stop, she lay there, thighs spread widely for him, and moaned, whimpered, whined, and pleaded quite nicely for him, making him purr.

Apparently, stroking his ego was just as effective in pleasuring _him_ as him stroking her... well, woman parts was, in pleasuring _her_.

Finally, three orgasms later on her part, and Sesshoumaru decided it was time to move on. Crawling back up her body, he hovered over the top of her as he waited for her to regain a semblance of intelligence, and then asked, "Are you ready now, Kagome?"

She blinked several times at him, wondering what the words he'd just spoken meant, and then cleared her throat, obviously having a question. "Uhm... so how do you make me your mate? Just by having sex?" she blushed.

He smirked, remembering back to her reaction to marking... and decided to play her along just a bit.

"No... not quite. Sex is not enough on its own. At the climax of the act-" he smirked wider at her flush, "-I must mark you."

"Mark?" she gasped, horrified. Immediately, she began trying to dislodge him from his comfortable spot between her legs. In vain, as it turned out, because he didn't move an inch. "You are NOT pissing on me, Sesshoumaru, I'm warning you!"

He watched her blandly. "Did I say that it was that sort of mark, miko?" he asked, all the while smirking internally with high amusement. "After all, one cannot be orgasming, and also voiding their bladder at the same time."

"W-well, then, what did you mean?" she asked, eyeing him suspiciously, flushed with embarrassment.

A lustful growl emerged as he once more ran his fangs over her neck, this time drawing a slight amount of blood. He lapped it up quite happily.

"By an exchange of blood. That will leave your scent altered – you will carry my scent mixed with your own from that moment on. As I will carry yours."

"And just how do you do that?"

"By slicing across your wrist, and my own, then pressing them together. My youki will take over, pumping my blood into you, and then pulling some of yours into me," he said. "Now... I ask again – are you ready?"

She glared at him just a bit. "Yes. But I won't be forgetting that little prank you just pulled, Sesshoumaru," she warned him, flinching in surprise when the stubborn pervert simply ignored her words and slowly slid himself into her body.

Eyes wide, Kagome wasn't sure how to feel as he burrowed deeper within her virgin flesh, and whimpered – it was uncomfortable, certainly, but under the discomfort was pleasure. And she could tell that it wouldn't be long before the uncomfortable feeling would be going away, leaving behind just the pleasure. _Like right now..._

_Hooray for perversity, _her inner wanton shouted as he bottomed out within her, the pleasure suddenly kicking the pain right out on its ass. He held himself still inside her, apparently thinking it was still uncomfortable for her. She decided to enlighten him to the truth of the matter by thrusting her hips into his.

He was a quick study, she'd have to give him that, as the moment she bucked against him, he began to slide back out, and just like that, a rhythm was established as Sesshoumaru allowed his hentai nature full control.

_I knew he was a lecher, but I didn't realize it went this far! _

With every move he made, Sesshoumaru whispered naughty, perverse, and highly arousing things in her ear, letting her know just exactly what he planned on doing to her, and with a delightfully horrified shiver, she realized that he had no intentions of leaving their new little house anytime within the next several days – if not longer.

And as much a virgin as Kagome had been up until moments ago, she couldn't deny the exquisite way he felt inside her, nor just how hot his dirty words were making her as the pleasure wreaking havoc on her thought processes began to overpower what little was left of her mind.

Moaning her approval, she clutched to his taut shoulders, whimpering submissively at his growled words as his pace increased.

"You enjoy the feel of me inside you, don't you, little miko?" he whispered darkly. "I do believe I have found the perfect way to get you to submit. And it's one we can both enjoy." He was gloating terribly, Kagome could hear it in his voice, but just at that particular moment, she couldn't have cared less. He could gloat all he wanted as long as he kept moving, and Kagome told him so.

He laughed between panting breaths, before swiftly changing their positions, not even losing a stroke as she suddenly found herself bouncing atop him as he held her, back against his chest. It was apparent that he greatly enjoyed this position, as he growled heatedly and grabbed ahold of one breast possessively, shaping it to his hand and flicking the tight nipple.

"Oh, there is no danger of that, my dear," he replied huskily. "You are about to learn firsthand the truth of the rumors that inuyoukai are insatiable – and I am more so than most." He thrust up into her harshly at that, and she squeaked, her head falling back to rest on his shoulder as he continued in what seemed his attempts to almost superglue his cock inside her.

When she managed to piece together enough brains to speak coherently, she mentioned that very thing, and he agreed, stating quite happily that he would not mind being permanently attached at the hip at all.

Kagome blinked at that, a rather ridiculous visual of him having to carry her around for the rest of their lives getting stuck in her mind. _Dirty, perverted inu..._

Once again, the horny dog moved her, dropping her to her hands and knees as he continued to ride her body into oblivion. She wondered, in a distant corner of her mind, how he would conduct the marking in that position, but then promptly lost her train of thought and shrieked loudly as he seemed to get longer inside her. She would swear she could feel him pressing right into her womb in that position, and the pleasure-pain of the deep penetration completely fried her mind.

Sesshoumaru was quite pleased with that fact, completely aware, even through his pleasure-seeking haze, that the little female was pretty much useless for thinking at this point. As far as he was concerned, that was a good thing, and exactly as it should be.

Too bad he couldn't keep her that way all the time.

Feeling his end encroaching on him finally, even as her body also wound up, tightening around him so much that he thought he was going insane, he slid one hand down her arm as he held her caged beneath him, and taking her hand in his own, brought it up to his mouth, almost gently running one sharp fang over her wrist to make it bleed. Quickly, he repeated the action on his own wrist, and then slid his hand around until both wrists were pressed together.

Just as he did so, Kagome yelled out, shocked as her orgasm overtook her and she saw white... _oh, no, wait, that's silver – Sesshoumaru's hair.._. she thought hazily - and then she saw red as she felt fangs sink into her neck, and she growled, panting and aggravated with the sharp teeth lodged in her flesh. She waited for him to finish coming and loosen her captured wrist, and then reached back and smacked him on the thigh.

"Just what the hell do you think you're doing?" she yelled. "After that all felt so good, you had to go and ruin it by playing Dracula? Get your teeth out of my neck!"

She shivered at the feel of his amused rumble as it rolled through her from his connection at her neck, and scowled grumpily as his teeth finally slid from her skin slowly. Getting ready to turn and further berate the male, she gasped as he pinned her to him, instead, and she felt him flex inside her.

Shocked, she realized that he was still lodged inside her, and also still quite hard, and her eyes widened in horror. "You hound!" she choked out, looking over her shoulder at him, only to find him smirking lecherously at her as he once more pushed his hips against hers. "You've got to be kidding me!" she squeaked, blushing as Sesshoumaru actually _laughed _at her_._

"Does this-" he pulsed his hips again, "-feel as though I jest, miko?" Pulling back, he started a new rhythm inside her, and Kagome slumped forward with a whimper.

_What the hell made me think letting him be my mate was a good idea again?_

And then he hit someplace inside that had her seeing stars, and she thought... _Oh, yeah... now I remember. _

Sesshoumaru, full of haughty amusement and pride, simply kept moving, knowing that if he kept her tied up with pleasure, she'd be unable to speak... and thus unable to argue. This way was so much better, as far as he was concerned - if she was busy whimpering, whining, and begging, she couldn't berate him for stealing her virtue right out from under her nose.

_Persuasion... _he shook his head at himself for missing the obvious for so long. _ It was persuasion all along that was needed to get her to submit._

_Done, and done, miko, _he thought with a deep sense of satisfaction. _You are mine, and I now know your weaknesses. Be assured that I will use them, frequently, for both your pleasure..._

_And my own._

~oOo~

A/N: I am still unable to answer reviews, every time I try I get a 404 error message that the link provided to answer them is outdated and no longer usable. Grrr. Anyway, I am getting them, and reading them, so please don't think I'm ignoring them!

Amber


	25. Whips and Chains May Break My

**Whips and Chains May Break My...**

Sitting hidden in her perch in the Goshinboku, Kagome felt a tingling chill work its way down her spine, and knew – it was done. Sesshoumaru had just tricked his way into her pants, and her past self was now a claimed little bitch.

Eyes narrowing, she watched her mate of five hundred years chasing a couple of hoodlums away from the shrine grounds, and pondered on the same thing she'd been thinking on since the day he'd claimed her – well, okay, since a few _days_ after he'd claimed her, since she'd been unable to think of anything while he was busy being the pervert – how to pay him back for the underhanded way he'd claimed her.

_Not to mention that whole 'marking' thing he pulled... letting me think he was going to pee on me. _

She growled lightly as she thought about that, the mere idea of such a marking getting her bent all out of shape.

_Hm. I suppose I should hit him where it hurts... since he's always so determined to be in charge in the bedroom, that whole dominant dog thing... maybe I should change the spell on that old collar to a simple subduing one, and then dominate him. That would just kill his ego, _she mused with a nasty grin. Delightful thoughts of whips and chains and a black dominatrix outfit slipped into her mind, and that nasty grin suddenly got a _whole_ lot wider.

As her mate trotted back over towards her with tail held high and a haughty look on his canine face, she chuckled, rubbing her hands together with glee.

Sesshoumaru wouldn't know what hit him.

~oOo~

A little over a week later, Kagome had the whole thing set up and ready to go.

All she had left to do was subdue and trap one completely unsuspecting pervert of an inuyoukai.

Her mind went to the little shop of sexual horrors – at least, that's what she thought he would call it – that she'd set up in their bedroom at the vacation house. She'd gotten restraints put together and infused them with her powers so he couldn't break them, she'd gathered certain instruments of sexual torture, and an absolutely yummy black leather dominatrix outfit, if she did say so herself. She looked awesome in it, too.

It would drive him nuts just seeing her in that – and even more nuts that he couldn't get to her.

She even had the soundtrack for this little show... a song by the foreign group Enigma called Sadness, about the Marquis de Sade. Sesshoumaru and she had actually met the man, once, and history had gotten it right – he absolutely loved to give pain. Her mate would definitely get the point of her little demonstration.

While he liked certain types of pain, he didn't like being controlled, and he hated being unable to touch her whenever he wanted.

And that was how, nine days after coming up with the idea, Sesshoumaru found himself in a car being driven by his little mate towards their getaway place. Not knowing exactly what she had in mind, he smirked, thinking of all the wonderful things he could do to her once he had her pinned to their bed.

Too bad for him it wasn't _her_ that would be pinned.

At least, not at first.

~oOo~

When Sesshoumaru woke back up from the little spell of unconsciousness she'd hit him with, he looked around, confused. How had he gotten here?

'Here', was in his vacation cottage, arms bound in cuffs that were hanging from the ceiling, strung up like so much meat. His first thought was that they'd been attacked and kidnapped, and he immediately began using his youki to search for his mate.

He caught the feel of her just as she walked through the door to the room... and his mouth fell open in complete and utter shock.

In all his years, he'd never seen a sight like he was seeing now, and by the gods, he got so hard, so fast, he almost passed out again.

Black leather stiletto lace up boots began a pattern for the rest of the black leather to follow – Kagome was laced into the most form-fitting, figure-hugging, luscious piece of shiny black leather that he'd ever seen. No one with any flaws in their figure would ever be able to pull that degenerate outfit off.

Good thing Kagome's figure was as perfect as it had been the day he'd mated her.

He opened his mouth to say... something, or anything, even... but nothing would come out – his throat was too choked, so he just settled for staring. He was so shocked and turned on, he still hadn't even realized he had a collar on again... or that Kagome was tapping the palm of one hand with a whip as she eyed him.

After a few moments of staring each other down, Kagome reached over to the little stereo and hit play, and the sounds of Enigma began filtering through the room. Stalking forward, she stopped just in front of her highly turned on mate, and slowly smiled, a wicked, evil smile that had his eyes going wary very fast.

"Well, well, well." She reached over and ran the whip down his chest, letting the tails brush his heated erection. "Looks like I've caught myself a real handful. What am I going to do with you?" she mused, her grin widening at the look in his eyes.

He cleared his throat several times before he was able to speak. "What is this, Kagome?" he demanded, though it didn't sound too demanding with that husky note in his voice.

Kagome chuckled as she sauntered around behind him, running the whip right around with her, over his backside, then lightly over his back. Her grin widened even more at his shiver.

"What this is, my dear mate, is payback five hundred years in the making. See, I decided that one day, I would get you back for using this cottage to get up my skirt the way you did that first time... and for that nasty little trick about marking." She watched as he twisted, trying to get away from the restraints in vain. "Uh, uh, uh," she reprimanded, smacking the whip across his ass, and glorying in his pleasured hiss.

"How contrary you are, Sesshoumaru. You like to be in charge... but it's evident," she walked back around to face him, lightly flicking his rampant cock with the whip, "that you enjoy being given pain, too."

Her mate's eyes flared red and he bared his fangs at her, demanding her submission. Instead, she smacked him a bit harder, right across the chest, this time, leaving thin red lines that had him hissing again through jaws clenched tight in pleasured pain.

"_Bitch!_ Let me loose, _now_!" he growled, the sound so deep in his chest she almost couldn't make it out.

"Nope," she said smugly. "It's my turn, Sesshoumaru, and I'm not giving it up. As much as you're fussing," she grinned again, running a finger up his cock, then lightly swiping it across the angry red head, taking the drop of pre-cum with it, "your body is giving you away, my love. _You_ are enjoying this." She sucked her finger into her mouth with a purr, and Sesshoumaru began to thrash, determined to get to her.

Slowly pulling her finger back out of her mouth, she smacked him again, then called out her subduing command. He was shocked when her power pulsed over him, and he shuddered, his cock jumping and heart racing at the dangerously erotic feel of it. He snarled, however, realizing that he could no longer move.

"Stubborn dog," she chided. "Why don't you just relax and enjoy my particular brand of revenge, Sesshoumaru? Good boys, after all, get... _rewarded,_" she finished, her own voice husky now.

She saw him swallow, and smiled seductively at him. "Just imagine all the things I can do to you, my love." Leaning in to him, she nipped at his throat, then trailed her hot mouth down to his nipples, laving first one and then the other. Once they were good and hot and wet, she stepped back and smacked him right across them. He stiffened at that, eyes widening.

"Again!" he snapped.

Kagome giggled, shaking her finger at him. "No, no, _bad puppy_. You aren't telling me what to do here. If you want something, ask. Or even better, beg. Otherwise, I'm just going to do what I want to you. You'll probably enjoy it all, though, so if you want to keep quiet, then go right ahead."

A deep, sub-sonic growl burst from him, then, his crests going jagged as his eyes bled completely crimson, and Kagome shivered in sexual excitement – he was going to be absolutely wild when she finally relented and let him down from those restraints – or he got out of them.

She could hardly wait, revenge be damned.

Yanking her mind back to the point by its hair, she grinned up at him, then leaned over, letting her black tresses brush against his heated length, then looked up at him through her lashes playfully, and blew on it. His eyes were pinned to her, desperation painted in them, though he'd never actually admit to feeling something like that aloud.

With a smirk, she slowly opened her mouth, then licked over the head firmly, humming approvingly as he was forced to stifle a gasp. Blue eyes still peeking at him from behind thick lashes, she slowly, tortuously engulfed his aching, needy manhood in her hot mouth while fondling his heavy balls.

She was met with a snarl and flying silver tresses as his head dropped back in agonized pleasure. _Hmm... he can move again. Oh, well... not like he's going anywhere – yet._

Establishing a rather slow rhythm, she smiled around his cock as a combination moan/growl burst from his slightly parted mouth, and continued to lave him with her tongue to get him as wet as possible. After a few minutes of that, just as he was really getting into it, she pulled back, reaching over to the ice bucket and grabbing a piece of ice, she sucked it into her mouth – and then sucked his hot cock back in, too. He stiffened as she sucked on him, swirling that ice around his cock for several endless moments... and then she let his dick go with a pop, and smacked him right across it with the whip, again.

That one move earned her a ringing howl, and panting, the daiyoukai currently at her mercy narrowed glowing eyes on her, wanting to watch what she did next.

With a smirk of plump red lips, she smacked him again – and he actually _whimpered. _

"Now that's what I'm talking about, Sesshoumaru. All you have to do is give yourself to me," she said, standing up, "and I promise I'll make it feel _so_ good."

He glared at her, then his eyes ran down her body again, and the sight seemed to give him back a few of his braincells, because he asked on a growl, "Where did you find such a provocative piece of _non-clothing_, mate?"

Kagome glanced down at herself and giggled. "It is rather provocative, isn't it? But it's my secret, and I'll never tell it."

Sesshoumaru's eyes were pinned to her breasts as they bounced, and he almost didn't even take notice of her answer as he stared at the perverse item of... _torture _she had donned. His hands flexed absently – sooner or later, he _would_ get out of her restraints, and when he did... that absolutely amazing thing she was... _sort_ of wearing, would be gone.

She was fully covered by black leather, not an inch of skin showing all the way to her neck – but her breasts, womanhood, and ass were completely bare. He could see where the damnable thing was laced up, too, and he knew that he'd have no patience to take it off slowly – it would be clawed off. He'd have to get that secret out of her, because by all the hells, he meant to buy some more of those things for her to wear.

_Oh, yessss..._

He shivered and quaked as she grabbed another piece of ice and trailed it around his hyper-sensitive body, leaving his flesh wet and cool, which only made it all the sweeter when she would hit him with that whip every so often. It hurt _so_ good, just like she'd promised.

Shuddering as she bent again and engulfed his cock once more, he tested his restraints again, and noticed that they were steadily weakening – as long as he kept battering at them, soon he'd be able to break free, and then it would be all over for the vixen that was busily trying to swallow his dick.

And that damn taunting song that she had on repeat on the stereo – Sadness, indeed. While he'd been amused at the man's penchant for causing pain, he hadn't really been able to say anything, because he was known to cause pain to others, as well, even his mate. Of course, it suited him to a 't' that she enjoyed just a touch of pain with her love play, too.

He would never in a million years, though, have ever thought to see his modest little mate pull something like this – she was trying to dominate him! But while he might be temporarily restrained, it wouldn't last for long.

He _would_ escape, and then...

Endless minutes of pleasure and pain went by as she continued her torture of his body, and Sesshoumaru moaned, growled, howled, snarled, and whined for her, all the while pushing his power against her restraints, determined to break them.

Fighting the haze that was taking over his mind with her talented mouth wrapped around him, he bucked against her as she began to pull away again, another howl bursting from him as she used that wonderful whip on him. Once, twice, three times she nailed him with it, and finally, his energy at its height with the sexual need coursing through him, he snapped her restraints right in half.

Falling to a crouch before her, his red eyes peered up at her from beneath his bangs, and a wicked smile bared gleaming fangs at her.

"My turn, mate," he husked, his tone so low and gravelly it almost didn't exist.

Kagome didn't even have a chance to blink before he had her across the room and flat on her back beneath him. And then the true torture began, as he followed through on his thoughts and literally clawed her right out of that shiny leather.

By the time he was done, she was whining in pleasurable pain, thin red lines covering her skin where his claws had passed, matching the ones still on his own body from the whip.

"Turnabout is fair play, Kagome. You should have known I'd get you back for this," he rumbled darkly.

She shrugged graceful shoulders with a vixenish smile. "Oh, at first I was just planning revenge – and you _wouldn't_ have escaped. But then... I got so turned on that I decided, to hell with revenge. Being mauled by my big puppy is _sooo_ much better, after all."

"Miko, this one has not been a pup in eight hundred years," he purred, and Kagome wiggled enticingly beneath him, bare curves pressing delightfully against his sensitized skin.

"I beg to differ, Sesshoumaru," she replied, wrapping her hand around his turgid flesh and squeezing – hard. She grinned triumphantly at the whine that one move ripped from him. "You certainly do whine like one, after all."

Eyes narrowed dangerously in his gorgeous face at that, and then _Kagome_ was the one whining as he dominated her like there was no tomorrow. Whips, chains, feathers, clamps and ice were all used to torment her, as he used five hundred years of knowledge about her and her body to prove to her once again that he _owned_ her.

By the time the whole thing was over, she even admitted it – shamelessly.

~oOo~

A week later, Sesshoumaru stepped into her office and closed the door behind himself with a blank expression on his face, and tossed a sheaf of papers on her desk.

Eyeing him suspiciously, she picked the papers up – and promptly choked, eyebrows disappearing into her bangs and mouth hanging open.

"How... I mean, w-where, no, I mean h-how..." she stopped her stuttering, and drew in a deep breath, then let it out, glaring at his amused expression.

"How the hell did you find it?" she demanded. "_And why did you buy it?_"

Picking up the papers that attested to his new ownership of a small company by the name of Doms r' Us, Sesshoumaru smirked sexily at her.

"It's all a part of supply and demand, my little miko. I demanded... and they supplied. Now we will never run out of those sexy black outfits like the one you wore last week – no matter how many I claw you out of."

Kagome just stared at him, aghast, as he sauntered back out of her office with a wicked, self-satisfied smirk on his face.

_Oh, my gawd... _

_I've created a monster!_


	26. Open Mouth, Insert Paw

**Open Mouth, Insert Paw**

Sesshoumaru stretched, nude and satisfied. He'd had his mate every which way but up in the last few days, and that position would come, too. After all, he had a little thing like eternity to spend 'burying his bone' in his sweet little mate.

He smirked down at her adorable pout, not at all put out at her sulky expression. She was simply a poor loser. And he'd known since early in the game, just after he'd joined with his brother's group, that she_ would_ lose, that he'd get the miko in the end – once she'd come back through the well with his scent on her, after being at home for days.

That had been quite the ego boost, he would admit – and her tale of him trying to mark her in a certain distinctly canine way had given him a good inner laugh... no need for her to ever know that he wouldn't really have ever done such a thing. After all, what would be the point of peeing on ones mate? They would simply beat you to death, then go and bathe the scent away, rendering the whole thing pointless. No... it was much more pleasant to mark your mate in certain other, more _potent _ways – ways that they couldn't wash away no matter how much they tried. He smirked harder.

And no one could deny, with the scent wafting off the miko, just who owned her pretty little ass now. He'd beaten out all his opponents, gotten rid of Naraku, and rendered the jewel impotent, so he felt justified in the gloating he was indulging in at this point in time.

It was obvious his mate disagreed, however.

"Come, miko – why the dark face? You cannot tell me you haven't enjoyed the last few days, for I'll not believe you. Not with all the moaning, whining, and begging you did. It was quite... _memorable_, after all. And loud."

She scowled at him. "Very funny, Sesshoumaru! But don't think I won't get you back someday for being so underhanded as to use a house to have your way with me. And for that stupid marking joke you seem to think is so funny!" With a huff, she crawled out of the futon, barely avoiding his lunge, and trotted over to the perpetually hot bath that sat on the other side of the room.

Sesshoumaru couldn't help the interested purr that went through him at that threat – his tiny female was quite imaginative when it came to revenge. Just look at that... _thing_ she'd called a 'movie' that she'd brought for him to view out of revenge for him forcing her to read that naughty scroll. That had actually shocked him – for all of five minutes. And then he'd simply plotted to one day use that same 'movie' to get back at _her._

Hm. Neverending revenge cycles over... rather interesting subjects. What a way to keep your sex life alive, he mused, listening to his miko splashing in the water.

"Bathing will not help you, Kagome. My scent is permanently _in_ you now, and you will never be able to wash it away," he said, smug satisfaction in his tone. He wondered if she would catch on to his words...

_Irate shriek... yes, she caught my meaning. _A wicked smirk tilted his lips, and he got up and sauntered over to the bath, climbing into it behind her, and taking it over, just like he did everything else.

Kagome's indignance died a quick death...

At least for a while.

~oOo~

It was a given that at some point, Sesshoumaru's gloating would get him into trouble.

That happened five days after he'd mated the miko he'd coveted for so long, just as they touched back down in the village where the rest of the group was gathered.

The moment Inuyasha came out and scented Kagome, he got a look of absolute revulsion on his face. "Don't you_ ever_ lose _anything_?" he groused at his brother. "It's like you always _know_ your gonna win. It's downright disgusting!"

Sesshoumaru smirked. "In this instance, you are correct, Inuyasha. I _did_ know that I would triumph ahead of time." He glanced at his suddenly narrow-eyed mate, then back at his brother, that smug look that Kagome hated back on his face. "Would you like to know how I knew?" he asked.

Inuyasha growled, but nodded.

"Just after I joined your group, the miko went home, her nerves in need of some... calming-" he shot her a knowing look, "-and when she came back, I met her here. Do you remember, mate? It was when you told me of a dog that was trying to mark you." He was proud of himself in that moment, at the comical look on her face, he wanted nothing more than to laugh aloud, but he kept his cool, and finished his statement at her reluctant nod. "What I did not tell you at the time, was that the 'dog' that was tormenting you on the other side of time, was me. I could smell my own scent on you the moment you crawled out of the well."

Dead silence fell at that – the wind stopped blowing, the birds stopped chirping... and Inuyasha's jaw hit the ground as he stared at first his brother, and then the fuming, red-faced, _very_ pissed off miko that was glaring at Sesshoumaru as though to set him on fire with just her eyes.

"You mean to tell me, that dog that kept trying to maul me back at home, was _you_?" she asked, voice dangerously quiet.

Sesshoumaru cocked a mocking brow at her. "Come, miko. Do you really think this one would allow another to attempt to mark you – even on the other side of time? Had it truly been another inu trying to claim you, I would have found a way through the well and eliminated him."

He blinked in sudden disquiet when he heard a definitely inu growl come from the miko's direction, and it belatedly occurred to him to wonder if perhaps he'd gloated a little _too_ much.

He had, but it was too late to take it all back now.

"ARGH!" Kagome screamed at the sky, totally infuriated. "YOU DAMN INU AND YOUR FRIGGIN' DOMINANCE ISSUES! AND YOUR GLOATING! _AND THAT DAMN MARKING THING YOU THINK IS SO FUNNY!"_

She looked back down at a very leery daiyoukai, and speared him with a glare so deadly, he was surprised it hadn't seared the air right out of his lungs.

"You've been patting yourself on the back for weeks now, haven't you, Sesshoumaru? Thinking you'd won." An absolutely evil smile crossed her lips then, at his wary look, and she snickered. "Too bad for you _I'm_ going to get the last laugh. Until I feel that I've had as much time to gloat about what I'm about to do to you, as you had to gloat about your scheming, you won't be getting back up my skirt. Guess _you're_ going to be looking up a_ lot_ of cold water," she said, her turn to sound smug as his expression turned to one of absolute horror.

"Kagome," he growled, "that was weeks ago. Don't tell me you mean to-"

She cut him off in more ways than one as she turned to saunter off towards Kaede's hut.

"Yup. Get ready for several weeks of celibacy, Sesshoumaru. That's what you get for having paw in mouth disease! I guess you need to learn when to keep your big mouth shut, don't you?"

He growled savagely as Inuyasha went into hysterical laughter, his only consolation for the pain he was about to endure, being the chance to beat on the hanyou.

The laughter was abruptly cut off as a hand clamped around his neck, and Inuyasha stared at his brother's red-haloed eyes with trepidation.

"My pain is your pain, half-breed. Until she lets me back into her bed, _you _won't have a peaceful moment."

Inuyasha whimpered. "Why me?"

His brother's answer proved he was still as evil a bastard as ever.

"Because she will more than likely give in sooner than she planned if I cause you pain. After all, she can't stand to see her friends being harmed, ne? Think of yourself as emotional blackmail made just for her."

That was the last thing Inuyasha heard for some time, because his brother knocked him out almost immediately.

If Kagome didn't cave in soon, Inuyasha might not make it out of the Sengoku Jidai alive.


	27. Back to the Future

**Back to the Future**

Sesshoumaru had been almost intolerable since buying out Dom's r' Us, and Kagome was at her wits end. He _literally_ wouldn't leave her alone.

Frankly, it was beginning to aggravate the hell out of the pack, too – because he kept wanting to leave their youngest at his uncle and aunt's... or his _other_ uncle and aunt's.

Explicitly speaking, that would be at Inuyasha and Sango's house, or at Miroku and Ayame's house. Or even at Shippo and Rin's.

Yes... the whole pack was sitting pretty in the future, thanks to everyone mating a hanyou or youkai. And there were some pretty funny stories behind those pairings, too.

Sango and Miroku just kinda drifted apart – especially when Ayame appeared one day, looking for some people to complain to. Seems the little wolf princess had finally figured out that Koga liked guys better than girls – and she was vengefully letting everyone she saw know that he made a better 'princess' than she did.

Now, Miroku just couldn't help but to offer to console the little wolf, with his usual grope and offer of bearing his children. Ayame's eyes had lit up, Miroku's mouth had dropped open – and the next morning, he'd stumbled out of the forest a mated male.

Sango did little more than yawn at the news, and Inuyasha was quite surprised – especially when she decided _he_ would make a most excellent replacement for the lecherous monk. And with all the passion of her fiery youkai slayer blood, she hunted the hanyou until she caught him. (Not that he really resisted that hard – at least, not after she'd hit him over the head a few times with Hiraikotsu.) He figured out very quickly that Miroku was a masochist, since he'd been brained at least a million times by the weapon, and kept coming back for more.

He kindly passed that information on to Ayame, who was still newly mated and just figuring her pervert of a mate's kinks out. She was quite happy to accommodate his need for pain. In fact, it had recently come to Kagome's attention that Ayame was _also_ a faithful costumer of Dom's r' Us.

Shippo, on the other hand, _wasn't_ a masochist – and he fought his 'enslavement' – hard. But the one after him in the beginning wasn't taking no for an answer. Soutan was quite determined to have Shippo – and his crayons, too. But it didn't take long, and Rin decided out of the blue to take exception to Soutan's presence in their lives; to the shock of everyone in the pack, she kicked the head of the Thunder clan right out on her prickly ass... winning Shippo's eternal gratitude, his heart, his mark - and his crayons.

Poor Soutan. She eventually did manage to get her _own_ crayons, and then she was happy, too.

At any rate, all that to say was that they had an entire pack to babysit for them, and Sesshoumaru, as alpha, was determined to take advantage of that.

Constantly. As in pretty much every day.

Kagome finally asked him point blank why he didn't just adopt their youngest son out to someone else, so they didn't have to _pretend_ to raise him anymore.

It was at that point that Sesshoumaru decided he didn't want any more pups – they interfered with his fun too much. Kagome, on the other hand, was beginning to wish that they had twenty still at home, just so she could have some breathing room - and relaxation.

She felt like a bitch in heat – no pun intended – and had taken to hiding, skulking around their home, and using barriers to keep her mate at bay whilst trying to make it to her getaway car. If she didn't make it in time, she would inevitably find herself wearing shredded black leather and being pounced – in whatever locale they happened to be.

She wished she'd never heard of Dom's r' Us.

So had the rest of the pack.

For five hundred years, they had all managed to _not_ catch the two in any questionable activities – and yet in the last couple of weeks, they'd been caught out by just about everyone... but Rin.

To Sesshoumaru's eternal gratitude, it turned out, when that little tidbit was brought up.

That got Kagome to thinking... maybe, if Rin _did_ catch them out, Sesshoumaru would be so shocked and embarrassed, he'd calm down again?

At this point, as much as she wasn't an exhibitionist, she was willing to try just about anything..._ but _more sex.

Sneaky woman that she was, Kagome innocently invited Rin over for dinner one day... and then proceeded to demonstrate why she was the most clever person in the pack, Sesshoumaru himself notwithstanding. She allowed him to catch her getting out of the shower, in the _downstairs_ bathroom. And when Rin showed up, walking in breezily without knocking, Sesshoumaru actually freaked out, disappearing in a blinding blur right up the stairs and into their rooms... while Rin just stared after him, blinking in shock.

It took a month before he was able to face Rin again – and he had calmed down - sort of - just like Kagome had hoped.

Their son was definitely grateful that whatever had been keeping his father busy so much was over, because now he had time to spend with _him_ again – as well as his siblings, when they bothered to come around from their own busy lives, of course.

"See? You were neglecting our son, Sesshoumaru! What was all that craziness about, anyway? I've never seen you so relentless... did you by any chance get into some demon viagra, or something?" she whispered, exasperated with him.

He shot her a lofty look. "No, I just want to get into you. Is that a problem, miko?"

She threw her hands up in the air, glaring at him pointedly as she indicated that their son was standing _right there. _He growled just a little at that. "This is not over, Kagome," he warned, before taking charge of their son and leading him off to go do some father-son things – like hunting and/or maiming wild animals in their several thousand acre backyard.

Despite the fact that Rin catching him out had embarrassed him into slowing down, his libido hadn't actually cooled, and so he was still just as horny as ever – all the damn time. It was getting to the point that Kagome was getting ready to take him to a youkai doctor...

And then, the truth came out, and the guilty party 'fessed up.

But only because Ayame made him.

Turns out that this was Miroku's idea of a prank... he'd 'borrowed' a few things with Kagome's scent on them, and then had gotten an old witch to create a pheromone potion from them – which he had taken to spraying on Kagome every chance he got.

Needless to say, Kagome was pissed – while Sesshoumaru simply wondered why he hadn't thought of that before. It certainly sent his already outrageously high sex-drive into orbit, and that didn't upset him one damn bit.

With Miroku's influence corrupting her mate, she finally broke down, and left with no choice, got her hands on the witch with the potion and threatened to kill her most painfully if she didn't promptly forget how to make said potion.

No one was particularly surprised when the witch disappeared between one day and the next, a large chunk of change from Kagome's bank account nestled safely in the woman's own bank, courtesy of electronic funds transfer.

Sesshoumaru protested most vociferously, of course, but Kagome wasn't swayed, and the pack finally got a bit of peace as things calmed down with their alpha – a little. After all, he'd always been a horny dog, though none but Kagome had realized just how bad it really was.

"I am still most displeased with you, miko, for getting that old witch away from me before I had the chance to divest her of her recipe," he growled one night, after they'd finished for the _third_ _time_.

"For kami's sake, Sesshoumaru, why the hell are you so worried about it? Don't we have sex enough? Once or twice a day is just fine, and you want it even more than that! We have sex three times a day, _or more_, every day of the damn week! Why are you complaining?" she retorted, still awed after all those years at his insatiable sex drive, determined to get out of the bed and away from him before he started in on her again.

He shot her a_ look. "_Woman, I am inu. Have you_ ever_ seen a male inu that isn't ready, willing, and able twenty-four seven?" He leered at her as he prowled up off the bed, heading in her direction again.

With a screech, Kagome grabbed a pair of shears, and waving them in front of herself protectively, yelped, "Only ones that have been fixed! Your mother should have listened to that American, Bob Barker – help control the animal population, have your pet spayed or neutered!"

Sesshoumaru thoroughly enjoyed divesting her of her shears for that crack – which, since to an inuyoukai, threats of violence are a turn on, led to more of him pouncing on her.

By the time he was done with her, she couldn't even move, and he was perfectly content with that.

It just meant that she couldn't get away.

And they all lived – _mostly_ – happily ever after.

The End – well, almost...


	28. An Accidentally Funny Aside

**An Accidentally Funny Aside**

(Back in the past)

Kagome looked down at the ring on her hand and stared at it, curious. It had been a couple of years now since Sesshoumaru had given it to her, and sometimes it was strange to think of the fact that she was wearing something that had the souls of two people in it. Though, in Naraku's case, she was using the term people loosely.

Every once in a while, the thing would react to whatever stimuli came from within it, turning warm, sometimes darkening a bit, or even quite frequently, it would end up with an odd greenish cast that would last for hours. She couldn't help but wonder what it was reacting to...

She mentioned all that to her mate one day, and he cocked a brow, eyeing the piece of jewelry that had gotten him into so much trouble to begin with thoughtfully.

"Why don't you call Midoriko out, and ask, mate?" he asked idly, basking contentedly in the afterglow of their third encounter of the day.

Her eyes shot to his, startled. "You mean, I can do that?" she exclaimed.

Shrugging nonchalantly, he nodded. "Yes. It is a simple thing. Envelop the ring in a little of your power, and if she is willing to come out, she will be able to use your power as a guide to the outside world."

Brow furrowed in concentration, Kagome did as instructed, watching as the ring responded – though this time, it turned a deeper pink color and almost felt... embarrassed. After staring at it for a moment, confounded, she shrugged and left it alone. If Midoriko decided to step out and visit, the energy was there for her to use.

A few hours later, after Sesshoumaru got through molesting her _again_, Kagome was enjoying a little peace – away from her outrageously horny mate – when a surge of energy came from the ring, and Midoriko appeared before her, catching her off-guard.

"Oh!" she exclaimed, hand going to her heart as it pounded. "Midoriko!"

The miko smiled at her a bit sheepishly and apologized. "I'm sorry I startled you, and that I didn't respond earlier. I was a bit... busy," she said. "Actually," her eyes narrowed, and Kagome could swear she was casting the ring a rather vengeful stare, "I wanted to know if you had any more of that 'febreze' stuff you gave me before. A certain someone has been misbehaving, lately."

Kagome blinked, then glanced down as the ring seemed to go sullen, and then she nodded. "Sure... let me grab a couple cans for you," she said, looking around for her bag. She'd been keeping several cans with her for a while now – they had come out with some new scents, and she used them on all her bedding. After all, she thought, rather sourly, with as much as Sesshoumaru always wanted to have sex, the bedding would be informing people five miles away what they had been doing, and febreze - and frequent washing – took care of that small problem.

The older miko looked quite pleased to see the cans, and took them reverently, a smile on her face that had Kagome shivering – she was glad she wasn't the one trapped inside the jewel with her. But then again... no one deserved it more than Naraku.

"Say, Midoriko?" she asked slowly. "Would you know why the ring acts so odd every so often? Like... sometimes it turns green, and others if feels warm. It blushed, earlier, too."

Kagome stared at her suspiciously as Midoriko suddenly looked a bit shifty.

"Well, it'll probably be turning green here soon – that's when I use this stuff on Naraku, and it makes his idiot self sick." She grinned evilly for a moment, but then blushed and looked away. "Earlier... well... I would have responded sooner to your invitation, but I was-" deeper blush, "-otherwise occupied," she said, coughing uncomfortably.

A blank look on her face, Kagome stared at her uncomprehendingly – for a moment... and then she blanched, eyes wide. "Oh!" she blurted, even as Midoriko said a hasty goodbye and faded away again. She turned her head to stare down at the ring on her finger, and then, with a grossed out yelp, pulled it off and held it away from her.

"Oh, my gawd, I can't believe they've been doing _that_, in there, while I've been wearing it on my hand!" she cried out, completely disgusted. Holding the ring as far from herself as possible as it flushed a fiery red, she dug through her bag until she found a little leather pouch, and dropped it in, before tying the drawstring closed and setting it back inside her bag.

She shuddered, trying to get those thoughts out of her head, and just then, her mate appeared. Catching sight of her expression, he quirked a questioning brow at her.

"I just got a visit from Midoriko," she said, "and I'm telling you right now – I'm never wearing that ring again!"

Sesshoumaru watched with interest as she stomped away, and chuckled wickedly to himself. He was well aware of what the ring was reflecting when it would change – it gave off an aura that he was easily able to read.

It didn't bother him, of course – but he wondered idly whether his mate had yet realized that the same thing applied in reverse – the ring also echoed what _they_ were doing on the outside...

So technically, they'd been providing free entertainment for the spider and the miko since the day of their mating.

With a glance at his mate's sweetly wiggling backside, he decided to keep that little tidbit to himself – after all, there was no point in tempting her horrible temper by informing her.

He'd just managed to get back into her bed from his last transgression, and certainly didn't want to get kicked out again so soon. As his wicked chuckle degenerated into a lecherous smirk, he followed along after his little mate...

Thinking about their audience had made him horny again.

The End.

(For real, this time)


End file.
